Battle – a lengthy and difficult conflict or struggle
“The struggle is real”. That’s something I would have said when I might not get enough sleep, when I had a hard time passing a test or studying, when I was lazy and didn’t want to clean my room or wash the dishes. A hashtag I’d put on a photo on Instagram. Its always seems to be an overstatement, I tend to take something that isn’t that bad and turn it into something that sounds terrible.
Growing up I had it great. Yes, Ill admit I did have my share of small addictions, hardships and struggles. I delt with bullying, lust, depression, and insecurity. I never had an addiction to drugs and I never had any bad relationships. I had a great family – parents who were/are great examples. They gave me what I wanted. I was sheltered but not to the extent of going out of control or crazy whenever I got the chance. I had a great church and we survived financially. I never had a bad life. I never had it bad.
But can I be real for a quick second? This year the struggle has been real!
I feel like a lot of the time if you aren’t moving anywhere spiritually with God then there is no reason for the devil to attack you. If you aren’t growing or doing anything for the Kingdom of God why would he waste His breath on you? That is why I think I had it so good my whole life. I never was a threat to him. I didn’t do anything. I wasn’t growing and moving closer to God. But this last year, that all changed. Ever since September of 2014 things have been different. I started growing, going to school and pursuing God more then ever. I thought I was doing what God wanted, even though I didn’t ask for His guidance. I was at the peak of my mountain. When I started failing all my classes and ended up dropping out of school that’s when the depression hit. I know it wasn’t a accident. God didn’t want me in school and the second I dropped out a spotlight went on me and I stood out to the enemy. It wasn’t easy. I had never felt so alone in my life. I felt like a huge disappointment and waste. The devil told me that I didn’t have a future, that I was a failure, that I was going to get paid minimum wage and work fast food for the rest of my life and that I didn’t matter to anyone. I believed every single word he said.
Once God placed me on this trip in December, things started to turn around and I started to really see all the plans God has for me. Things took off to a great start, but everyone knows you can only stay high for so long before you fall back down.
The last few months I have been stuck and lost. I’ve been so distracted by work, church, people, working out, trying to eat healthy, and trying to prepare for the trip that I forgot the whole reason I’m doing all of those things – to grow closer to God and to go on this trip with Him.
I have quickly realized that I’ve lost site in all I’m doing. the devil has distracted me by simply using all the things I enjoy, and with all the things I’ve been doing to bring glory to God. He is doing anything and everything to keep me off guard and to keep me from preparing for the trip. for awhile he stole my joy away and filled me with anxiousness to leave. The enemy told me to only look forward, to not care about what I’m doing now and to only be excited to leave BUT God told me to not worry about tomorrow, but to focus on today and being in His presence.
“Give all your attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (Matthew 6:34)
I actually feel really obliged that satin would try and distract me and bring me down. It tells me that he knows I’m about to do great things for the kingdom of God. He’s scared of all that I have the potential to do. He will try and do whatever he has to do so that I wont succeed. I know that God has amazing things planned for me.
I’m not saying that every time you have a hard ship, trial, or a struggle that that’s God telling you that you’re doing his will. I believe he can speak to you in many ways. Me personally, already knowing this trip is my calling, should have expected some obstacles and battles, but that wont always be the case.
“Rejoice in your sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because Gods love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)
Following Gods calling in this season hasn’t been easy. Its been a battle, but its been a battle I’m willing to fight 
If you could please keep me in your prayers. That I continue to pursue God with all that I am and that I give him all that I have. That I don’t get distracted but that I stay completely focused on Him. That everything I do glorifies Him. Also that God would surround me with the right people and that I can have the courage and strength to build up friendships. That I don’t feel alone, but encouraged and uplifted.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me get to the point I am at. I have passed my first goal/deadline of $6,000 and have a total of around $9,500 out of $16,000!! God has been so good and faithful to me! without your support and God I wouldn’t be at the place I am now <3 Thank you
