I’m not sure if any of this will even make since, I feel so scatter brained right now… But here is my attempt at a blog about the last few weeks!
Life on the race isn’t quite what I expected. Before leaving, when I would read and think about the race, I would think about all of the great things. I would think about all of the things God would do through me, but not in me. I guess I expected to have hardships but not this quickly…
Arriving to Guatemala, It was a complete different atmosphere then what I expected. It’s been pretty slow going. The language barrier has been difficult, living in community with 20 others hasn’t been easy, being sick wasn’t fun, trying to adjust to a new culture and living was uncomfortable and being broken and alone spiritually and mentally made it that much harder.
I’ve a hard time seeing God in the things around me. All I’ve been seeing is brokenness. I actually had been praying for brokenness, but I didn’t expect for it to feel like this. I didn’t know what I was praying for until it began to actually happen. I can’t describe the feelings I’ve been having because I can’t even describe them to myself. I have been feeling so heartbroken for the things around me, and the things I left behind. I’ve been selfish and prideful with my actions. Its been hard to pull myself together, yet alone even think about others. It’s been hard for me to find the joy and good in things, especially feeling the way I have been feeling.
The last few days I’ve been trying to keep my focus completely on God and the things He wants to show me. I’ve been praying to see everything through his eyes. I’ve been trying to find beauty in the pain and the brokenness that I’ve been feeling. I’ve also been praying that God will change me from the inside out.
Every day I’m going to have to wake up and make the decision to have happiness. That actually started this morning and today has been a really good day. I feel more glad and joyous, ready to conquer this next week. I feel like the process of mending my brokenness starting to begin. God literally took all of the things that I care about, love, and find comfort in and stripped them away so that I can find new comfort in God. So that I can fully rely on him and trust him.
There is one specific moment where I have seen the true joy of God here in Guatemala. Every time I see these two, their faces light up. No words can describe the brightness of their smile. When you walk into the room, you can tell all they care about is your attention and love. They’re always ready to embrace me with a huge hug. This is the perfect example of Gods affection for us. When you encounter Him he brings you true joy. His love is as radiant as the sun. He comes to you with arms open wide, ready to embrace you.
I’m not out of the struggle and brokenness, but I feel like I’m starting to finally see things with a different perspective. I would appreciate prayer for the days that do bring trials, and for the days that try to steal my joy and focus. God is doing great things here and I just pray that I don’t lose sight of get distracted from what he wants to show me.
