“I want to go home” … I don’t know how many Racers have thought these 5 words. I don’t know in which month Racers reach their breaking point. I don’t know which Ministry site pushes them to a point where they allow these five words to break through as an actual thought in their mind. (We all do though, even if for a brief instance.)
For me it was the beginning of month 5 as I lay on the concrete floor for the 4th night in a row, unable to sleep due to the extreme heat. I laid on the floor hoping to cool off and get a little bit of sleep. I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted! Instead of sleeping I found myself sobbing into a blanket that I had been using as a pillow.
My actual pillow had gotten wrecked during our travel day to Bali, so I made due.
Rationally, I knew that in the past 24 hours I had experienced some of my highest highs on the Race so far, on the outside. On the inside, I had experienced some of my lowest lows. But I wasn’t being rational and the lows were consuming my mind. I was hot, tired, and overwhelmed. So it left me at my breaking point. On the hard ground crying while all my other teammates slept peacefully through the night.
That next morning I didn’t tell any of my teammates what had happened. Instead, I tried to keep pushing through, on my own strength. That was the problem. This wasn’t something I could overcome on my own. The enemy was holding me captive to another set of his lies. “Do it on your own. You don’t need anyone. They wouldn’t care even if you told them.”
I did however decide to reach out to a few friends back home. Lucky for me they are REALLY good at snapping me out of my irrational thinking when times get tough. God used them to encourage me, to love me, and to speak life and truth into me. Instead of pressing into my struggle, I pressed into my community. And you know what? They banded together and pulled me right out of my funk!
I know you’ve read stories of God’s Magnolias and the victories we experienced together, but I don’t think a story could ever capture how magnificent these women truly were! The enemy had nothing on us when we were operating as one unit.
Many times what we call “funks,” are actually spiritual attacks the enemy uses to keep us from the victories God has for us.
Isolation. Another one of the enemy’s tactics.
These were great lessons for me to learn, because I wish I could say this was ACTUALLY my hardest moment on the Race. It wasn’t! Not even by a long shot.
There were times where I didn’t know which way was up and which way was down. Sickness hit. Hospital visits happened. Physical living conditions were unfathomable. Homesickness became debilitating. Days upon days where myself and my teammates cried, a lot!
But… you know what? We did it! We stayed unified. We pressed into community. We pressed into the Lord in deeper ways than we ever knew possible. We spoke truth over the enemy’s lies.
No matter how hard times got, never again did the thought “I want to go home” cross my mind.
For any Racer reading this blog I want to share with you a Word of Encouragement that pulled me out of my darkest hours time and time again. When the thought of going home crosses your mind, ground yourself in TRUTH and surround yourself with COMMUNITY!
I can do it and so can you!
The World Race is INCREDIBLE, but it is also the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Going home would have been my biggest regret!
“There are moments in life when we feel out of sync…. when nothing seems to go right, when all the signals from the universe seem wrong. It is our nature to retreat when we feel uncomfortable, when we feel sad, when we feel pushed.
I find that in these moments…. there is no secret. All I can do is persist.
Persist past the sadness, persist past the funk. Keep moving forward and one day everything will seem right again.
We are imperfect people and we will always be imperfect. God has made us this way uniquely and unapologetically. He tests us when we are not ready to test ourselves. God pushes boundaries to show us who we are capable of being on the other side.
You can do this. You were made to do this.
I know it’s not easy. I know you are sad and you want to come home. But you know that you must persist and you must see this thing out till the end.
Your entire future depends on your ability to rise above the challenges that still face you. When the physical seems rough, you will be pushed even harder mentally and emotionally. You must persist.
I believe in you. We all do.
Love you.”
