Previously I have shared how God has called me to spend 40 days fasting food in the Wilderness in order for me to grow in deeper intimacy with him. My Wilderness Journey hasn’t been easy but it has been everything the Father promised it would be.
My third and final message from the Father came while my team and I were at a Leadership Development Weekend in Manzini, Swaziland.
During our time at L.D.W. the word “Wilderness” kept floating around. In one of our sessions our squad leader, Tabitha, shared on the topic of “The Wilderness and the Journey to Dependence.”
My ears chimed in real quick and hung onto every word!
It was as if God was speaking directly to me through her, confirming everything the Holy Spirit had been sharing with me over the past two weeks. She began sharing the purpose of a Wilderness Journey, the purpose of my Wilderness Journey. The Wilderness was where the Spirit led Jesus to prepare him for ministry and to test him. The Spirit led David there to cultivate his character. I too would be tested, I too would be prepared for ministry and just as God built David’s character he would build and cultivate mine as well.
The Wilderness is a place where God strips us of our comforts to build character and intimacy with him. It is a place of complete trust and dependence. Getting to the Wilderness isn’t a task to be taken lightly. It requires complete trust and faith in God the Father. When he calls us to deeper trust he also calls us to let go of what we trust in, including ourselves. For a strong, fully capable, independent 27 year old this was a hard pill to swallow.
You mean to tell me I have to relinquish ALL control???
Tabitha began sharing stories of all the biblical characters who were led into the Wilderness and all they gained in their sacrifice. One thing became abundantly clear; it wasn’t going to be easy but it was necessary.
God was whispering things like… Do you trust ME? Am I enough? Am I good? Am I faithful? As God was whispering these things to me the words came as an overflow out of Tabitha’s earthly mouth.
I hear you God, okay?!
… but did I really?
Because at this point, I was still arguing with God about him taking away food for 40 days. Then Tabitha said something that hit right where God intended it to- my heart. She said “The gifts God gives us are often what keeps us clinging to the ‘not Wilderness.'”
Food was my comfort. I have always turned to it on my good days, my bad days, my happy days, and most often on my sad days. I enjoy and sometimes over indulge in food, a precious gift, from my Heavenly Father. Now God was calling me to give up food for 40 days so that HE could be my comfort. He wanted me to turn to HIM on my good days, my bad days, my happy days and most often on my sad days. He wanted me to over indulge in HIM!
I would like to say that this session was the last time I argued with God about my Wilderness Journey, but that would simply not be true. The thing about God is that although his Spirit dwells within us, we are still made of flesh, and he still gives us free will.
It has been a choice everyday for the last 38 days to choose God and his provisions for my life. It has been a choice to push through the hunger and the pain. It has been a choice to get up and get going when my body feels like it would be better off shutting down. I have seen each and every day of this Wilderness Journey that he IS good, he IS faithful, he IS enough!
“It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Matthew 4:4
As I finish out my 40 Day Food Fast please be in prayer for continued strength and perseverance. Please also be in prayer for my health as I reintroduce solid food into my system. The transition is something that myself, my team, and leadership are very aware of. This Wilderness Journey is one that has been monitored very closely and has been completely Spirit-led and Spirit-fulfilled!!! I can’t wait to share with you all that God has revealed on this Journey.
If you feel led to support me financially as I have shared in a previous blog please visit www.gofundme.com/Kayces-missionary-support
Love,
Kace
