I grew up in the Methodist Church, so Lent has always been a very important season of the year where we give up something in order to draw closer to Jesus. In the weeks leading up to Lent, I felt God calling me into a 40 day fast from food. As any logical person and discerning Christian, I prayed over this intently (…and stubbornly) until God gave me a very clear message for why he was calling me to fast for 40 days.
Most days on the Race I barely know what day it is, much less the date. Because of this, Ash Wednesday came and went. Evidently, God was getting a little frustrated with me not listening to his messages. On March 4th, 3 days into Lent, God got through to me. He gave me 3 very clear messages over the course of 3 days that I could no longer ignore. In this blog I will share the first 2 messages with you and save the third message for Part 2.
This blog series titled “40 Days in the Wilderness” serves to walk you through my season of fasting and dependence on the Lord and to share the lessons God teaches me throughout my journey in the Wilderness. Ministry isn’t always what God does through us – it is also what he does inside of us. My prayer is that through vulnerability and allowing you to walk with me through this journey, God will minister not only to me but to you as well!
Message 1:
March 4th, Listening prayer:
You are beautiful. Today Jesus took me to a rainforest. I looked for him and couldn’t find him. Then I looked down and he was carrying me on his shoulders and again I am a child. I asked him why I am always a child here and he said, “Because you will always be my child.” I asked him what he wanted to tell me today and he said, “You are beautiful. You are worthy! You are okay. I know you can do it alone, but I need you to need me. When life gets chaotic – need me! You cannot gain your inheritance on your own. You need me for that. You have spent most of your life surviving alone. Let me in. I am knocking at your door will you let me in?”
It was not Jesus the Son at the door it was God the Father. I open the door, but he doesn’t come in. Instead he reaches out his hand and we leave my house and walk into the light together. As we are walking hand in hand I feel free. I start to jump around, bounce around even. I am light as a feather. God the Father is so happy and I ask if I can stay. He tells me I can come back anytime I want. He then tells me three things; “Taste and see, Rest in the arms of the Father, and Come into the light and stay in the light.” He then tells me to search for the meaning of the words he has given me.
He tells me that he has given me the way. “Kayce I just want you rely on me, not yourself. The world is hard, people are evil, they do not see the world the way you do. They do not have such deep access to my heart, but you do. Kayce, you won’t survive it alone. You will be defeated. But I have claimed victory. Stop trying to enter a fight I have already won. Grab my hand. Will you trust me? Really trust me? Go seek my words. Know my word. My word is truth. My word is light. Come back here and be free.”
Immediately following this listening prayer session God lead me to the following four verses:
Psalm 34: 8-10 “Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing, The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.”
Psalm 91: 1-2 “Whoever dwells in the secret place of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 56: 13 “For have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.”
1 John 1: 6-7 “If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his son, purifies us from sin.”
Sometimes I am still in awe at the clearness and preciseness in which God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit. I am starting to think that he has always be crystal clear in speaking to me, I just haven’t always been still enough to listen.
Message 2:
March 5th, Breakfast with my team:
This was our last morning in Swaziland. To celebrate the month my team and I walked to The George Hotel and purchased our Breakfast Buffet. It was a little taste of HEAVEN!!!! Since being on the Race, I have really been missing a good ol’ American breakfast. Well, today we were blessed with it! As I finished my meal the Still Small Voice whispered, “This is your last meal for 40 days.” … my response … “Okay God, I hear you loud and clear”. At this moment I shared the 40 day Fast God had laid on my heart with my team and they immediately responded with words of encouragement and words of affirmation. This was the last piece of discernment/affirmation I needed to confirm that God was calling me into the Wilderness for 40 days to depend on him in a way that I never have before. He was calling me into complete and total dependence. 100% abandonment! I said yes and into the Wilderness I went.
Over the course of the day he revealed the “stipulations” of this 40 Day Fast:
- This was a food fast because food is the biggest thing I seek comfort in. I am a stuffer by nature when it comes to my emotions. For him to be able to teach me what he needed to teach me, he needed me to be empty, relying on the spirit for fullness and energy. When I no longer had any where to “stuff” things, then his real work could and would begin. Bye bye, comfort foods!
- I was aloud to have liquids. Water, coffee, juices… He would bless me With them.
- He highlighted to me the Israelites and how when he called them into the Wilderness he would bless them with manna.
Deuteronomy 8:2-5 “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commandments. He humbled you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during the forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.”
My “manna” during these 40 days in the Wilderness would be white rice.
Very clearly and distinctly God gave me the word white rice. He told me that I would thrive off his word, his Holy Spirit, and white rice … when and only when he blessed me with it. I was not to seek it out on by my own resources. These next 40 days are about complete dependence on him and allowing him to sustain me. I was not a martyr for Christ. I would not suffer. I would thrive! As I thrived and lived off of the Holy Spirit he would bring healing, redemption, and insight that I wouldn’t be equipped to receive in any other way.
In Part 2 of this blog series I will share God’s third message, and then begin sharing some of the lessons he has been teaching me through my fasting. Please continue to join me in prayer during this season in the Wilderness. As of today March 19th, I am 15 days in and I can’t wait to share all God is revealing, healing, and redeeming!
Thanks for journeying with me!
Love,
Kace
