“When do you leave?”
“Are you excited?”
I went back to my home away from home today. I was greeted by a crazy amount of hugs but also by these two questions. As I encountered more and more people throughout the day, my reaction to both questions became more and more honest. An overly excited “Yes!” turned into a hesitant and questionable “yeah, I mean I guess.”
I don’t say this as a bad thing but as an honest thing. Going on the Race hasn’t changed me into superwoman. I don’t have it together. I’m actually quite terrified and as much as I smile and jump for joy at the thought of going, it doesn’t make me invincible.
I cried more than I ever did in 4 years of college in like 4 hours today. Knowing that I was walking up to the people I had lived with and experienced life with for the past 4 years for the last time hit HARD. So to them I say this:
Thank you for not judging me when I shrugged an unsure answer at you when you asked me if I was excited.
Thank you for actually looking at me and telling me it was ok if I was nervous.
I spent countless hours with you all and I can’t ignore that you have impacted the person I am today. You’ve made me ok with not being ok.
As I sat and listened to the countless stories being exchanged, there was an overarching theme of “I have absolutely no idea what I ‘m doing or what I’m going to do in the long run.”
And that is perfectly OK.
We aren’t supposed to have it planned. How boring would that be? It’s time for us to stop being ashamed that we don’t have life figured out because you know. . .life is hard.
But being there for each other and simply reminding one another that it’s ok and that we aren’t alone: it makes all the unanswered questions so worth the wait.
The faith you all show daily by living your life as it comes but never failing to see that the bigger picture is bigger than anything we could plan on our own. . it makes it hard to leave you but possible to leave by your examples.
You are part of the reason that my “Yes!” became “ugh yeah. . .” but in the greatest way possible.
Facing you and telling you bye was one of the hardest things I’ve done. Not because I won’t see you again, but because when I do it means I’ll have to face the reality that your lives went on without me and mine without you.
But we’ll be fine. We don’t have a darn thing figured out, but we have each other.
So keep living life and leaning on the One who remains constant.
And don’t apologize for not having it figured out. We aren’t supposed to.
See you all in 11 months.
– love Wades
