I am sitting in the third floor of Oklahoma Christian University’s library, the school that shaped my mindset of mission work, and it is surreal to think that it has been a year and a half since I graduated. I am here on my way back from training camp in Georgia. I spent the last ten days stretching myself past my comfort zones and trying things I never would have thought I could. Here is my story of growth.
This is the tent nation we slept in for the majority of the race, when we weren’t you know hiking into the woods and using rope and tarps to make our shelter. I have gone camping like 5 times in my life and I managed to sleep nicely in my tent with a sleeping pad, compression pillow, and sleeping bag. I also had to take bucket showers using hose water, use days old port-a-potties, and eat crazy food, including crickets. God pushed me way outside of my comfort zone this week and this was just the start.
I want to start by talking about the three mile hike we did Friday with our packs on, timed to be under 50 minutes. This meant we had to keep pace of about 16 and a half minutes per mile. If you know me, you know that I am not a fast walker by any normal person’s standards, so I knew I had to run parts of it to make time. I started the first mile strong, running the downhills, speed walking the straight aways, and pushing through the uphills. I was making good time, but I felt my energy draining as I started mile 2. My squad mentor, who I hadn’t even met at this point came along side me. She pushed me to run when I felt weak, she kept time for me so I knew where I was at. She talked with me to keep my mind off of the task at hand. She ran and walked with me the second two miles and for that I am extremely thankful. When the lies of the enemy were all I could hear, “You aren’t good enough, you can’t do this, you are fat and lazy and haven’t prepared for this, you are going to have to do this again tomorrow by yourself.” She stepped in and told me to vocalize those lies, to throw them into the lake we were running past, and to speak truth over myself. ” I am able, I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I am capable, I am ready, I will finish, I am called to this.” This helped me out so much, I was pushing through the big hill at the end of the loop, with just a straight away ahead of me and she told me that if I didn’t run the straight away, I wasn’t going to make it. I almost cried when I heard that. I couldn’t run any more, I was so weak. I started to run though, when I thought I couldn’t. I ran the last stretch and heard them say, “50 minutes, you did it Katy May” and I broke down in tears, took my pack off and fell to the ground. I knew that God had big things in store for me the rest of the week if Satan was working that hard to discourage me.”
The next way that God grew me was in the freedom that comes when you worship like a fool and don’t care what anyone around you is thinking or doing. I got to watch my squad leader, who will spend the first 5 months of the race with us, and another alumni dance to the worship set the first night and it hit me hard how reserved I am in my worship. I come from a pretty conservative background and so this new found freedom helped me to focus more on the lord and less on myself during worship and it was amazing. There was a moment during a worship time when they opened the floor to people to sing out what they felt in their hearts. I wasn’t feeling anything, but was just listening. I felt uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do, and then a girl from another squad came up to me and whispered in my ear, “He hears you. He hears your song, you don’t need words, he sees it in the way you love. He hears you.” I felt every insecurity melt away in that moment. I care a lot about what other people think. I let fear of man dictate a lot of my coming and going, and for the first time, all of that didn’t matter. I am so pumped to bring that back to worship back home and dance like a fool. We sang a song by United Pursuit which said, “There’s no shame in looking like a fool.” and I am embracing that mentality this year and into the rest of my life.
Another big thing I learned is what it means to be led by The Holy Spirit and what it looks like to listen to it. I think before training camp, I am intimidated and a bit weirded out by the Holy Spirit and people who “heard from” it. It was something taboo and out of reach, and not something that little ole me would ever experience, but God wrecked me this week and showed me what it looks like to really listen to him. He did this in a few ways. First, during free time one day, I was walking and I saw my squad leader and another alum I knew talking to someone I didn’t. I asked him his name, and he said, pray to God and see if you can guess it. I did, even though I thought that was weird, and I saw the name Andrew. I guessed it and was correct. I had never experienced something like that before. Another time was during an evening session. We got into groups of 5 and prayed over someone and asked the Lord to show us what he had to say to them. I prayed and closed my eyes and listened. I saw pictures that made no sense to me, but when I shared that with them, it connected to what they saw or something in their past and it was really cool to see that validated. When we evangelize, listening to the Holy Spirit is huge and we cant do that if we keep it from habitation rights and give it only visitation rights. I accepted the Holy Spirit into my heart this week and prayed over it with one of my trainers. I was shown a picture of a confirmation hug circle we had done the day before, and the words were spoken in a still small voice, “They are committed to you, You are committed to them, I am committed to you, You are committed to me.” It was all I needed to hear to know I had really accepted it. They shared with us one night that there is this word in Greek called Rhema, it is the utterance of God, his spoken word, and that resonated with me so much. Rhema will have a special meaning to me for the rest of my life.
Those are the two main areas I grew in this week, but I also learned about shame, and grieving, forgiveness and my worth as a woman, ministry and orphans, and so much more. I am excited to go forth and be bold in my faith and practice what I learned this week as I prepare to launch in just 69 days. It seems so close, but so far away at the same time.
Oh! And here is my team for the first few months of the race. We call ourselves Septum Parabolani, The Seven Reckless Ones. We are made up of people from all across the country and I love them already. We have John, Johnny, Josh, Carlyn, Lindee, Kat, and Me.
Have a good day dear friends.