So I’ve started my journey, my adventure, but swinging carelessly from the jungle’s vines is hard when you have reason to believe you will fall.
I’ve misplaced my trust before and I watched as the vines I held onto slipped through my fingers, while I tried so desperately to keep holding on. These vines put out a false sense of security… you expect to grab a hold of them and trust that they are strong enough to hold you.
The problem is that these vines are not attached to a source. They come up empty. Sometimes it takes a while to see that these vines are not true. Sometimes it takes falling flat on your back to realize you can’t trust a vine that is lacking a source.
I’ve fallen on my back a time or two, placing my trust in boys, in sex, in things I thought would be fun to “swing from.” But no matter how fun it is swinging from these vines, I always end up falling flat on my back.
In the past five days, my team and I have been going door-to-door in Cali, Colombia with local churches and sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with the neighborhoods of Cali. While I expected the local people to shut their doors on our faces or pick a fight, it turns out there are others in this life who have fallen. There are others who know the pain and the panic of losing grip, of losing touch of their lives. They know what it feels like to fall hard onto the dirt of the jungle floor and I know because I see it in their eyes when they open the door. Though I can see that they have fallen, I can also tell they are longing and eager to find a way to get back up.
I know full well that Jesus Christ, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the Savior of my sins, is the only one who can help these hurting people to rise up for the glory of God. He is the true vine, the one who is steadfast, the one who will remain firmly planted, the one who comes from a super natural source.
He is the vine that all may swing from and He will never grow weary, he will never let us fall as long as we are clinging to him. He has remained faithful since the beginning of time.
God is the source of this vine and though we may not be able to see Him, we can trust for He has been faithful through the ages. He is the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. He has carried us through the ages. He has been faithful no matter how many other vines we swing from. He is always there and when we fall, He wants us to get back up and swing from a true vine, from a vine that gives joy and gives life without taking it away.
There are days that I cling to the vine, white-knuckled with eyes squeezed shut. There are days that I swing through only holding on with one hand and laughing aloud for the joy Jesus brings me.
There are also days where I look down at the jungle floor and realize that from so high up in the trees I could easily get hurt.
Much like Peter walking on the water (Matthew 14:22-33), I realize that what I’m doing is crazy, it’s unsafe and I would be much better staying on the ground where it’s safe and I don’t have to discern which vines to swing from… I just won’t swing at all.
But God isn’t a god who asks us to stay in our safe lives. He asks us to step out and take a hold of the vine that offers life, the one vine we can truly trust.
Grabbing a hold is hard for me. I have already accepted the source and I can see the vine in front of me and I want to grab on but the fear of falling paralyzes me. As soon as I have enough courage to step out and grab the vine I remember how much it hurts to fall. I never want to fall again. It hurts. It hurts a lot.
God has pushed me, even in my doubts. He has waited patiently because He knows my hurts, He knows my heart is hesitant. Those two sentences may look funny next to one another because… God being pushy, but at the same time patient?
God isn’t someone I can wrap my head around. He isn’t someone who works in ways that make sense in our minds.
Going on the World Race was like my leap of faith, my grabbing a hold of the true vine. But I honestly think in the back of my mind I was expecting to fall. I knew it would be an adventure but I still have a hard time understanding how good God truly is. I have a hard time trying to comprehend a love that knows no bounds… a love that is faithful, a love that is gentle, a love that doesn’t take advantage of me, a love that takes care of me.
So when most people rejoiced when they found out they were fully-funded… when I found out… I cried. I cried because I can’t fathom God. I cried because I can’t believe there is actually a vine I can trust. I cried because where I’m used to falling, God lifts me higher to swing from the true vine. With finances I honestly didn’t know if God would make a way for this trip to be funded. I thought I would be watching the vine slip through my fingers. But no.. because God… He is a gentleman, a provider, the winner of my heart and I am just amazed that He chooses me.
Jesus, thank you.
Thank you for being who you are.
I am in awe.
(Pictures below are of my team and just a few of the many people we have shared the gospel with in the past 6 days)
