I’ve never felt like anyone has truly loved me for me.
Bold statement. I know.
My whole life all I wanted was someone to understand me and love me for who I truly was. I have looked for so long for someone to fill that void. I have even looked to God and still couldn’t find it. I always thought of God as a fatherly figure. Someone I wanted to impress and make proud. I never felt like I could feel his presence.
I went to church tonight and the preacher, Louie Giglio, said something completely mind shattering that I sobbed the entire sermon and the full 50 minute drive home.
He read from Revelation 3:20 which says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door; I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”
God is constantly outside our door. He never leaves either!! That’s what is mind blowing. He just chills and waits for us to let him into our lives.
I’ve never felt wanted and here is the God of the universe standing outside my door. Not to bust in and yell at me for all the crap that I do. He wants to come in and eat with me. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to be my friend.
He desires me.
I never have felt that before. Someone desiring my company. Sometimes, all we think about is how much God does for us. We never take into consideration how much we can do for him. My personal relationship with God means so much to him and it does something for him.
I realized that I spend so much of my time doing things for him that I forget to actually have a relationship with him. None of us deserve him at all and here he is wanting us so desperately.
I noticed how I am a selfish lover. I want to give my love to people in hopes that they will give it back in the way I need and there God is so deserving of my love and I don’t give it to him. I will literally try to give my heart to people who don’t want it, but neglect to give it to the only person who truly understands the specific love I need.
Tonight, I felt God like I never have before. I felt him as this overwhelming comfort in my heart filling that void that has been there for far too long. I have felt like he is my friend. Someone who can wipe my tears and make me feel stronger.
There isn’t another God or person out there that can do that for you. There isn’t anyone else out here that loves EVERYTHING about you. He doesn’t get annoyed with you. He doesn’t zone out when you talk about how annoying your parents are. He doesn’t run away when things get hard.
He is always here for us and all we had to do was open the door.
