One of my biggest struggles thus far on the race has been my age. I am the second youngest on my squad, youngest on my team and feeing it. It all roots from my lack of self-confidence, but has also been a way fro the enemy to slip in lies that I am not as ‘mature’ as the rest of my teammates.
A lot of this stirred up month one. I felt like I just had all these blindspots and problems that no one else had. Everyone seemed to have it all together and I was behind. I needed to have it all together, but I am the worst at lying and faking it.
I realized that the enemy did everything in his power to make me feel less than and it was easy for me to believe because of my lack of self-confidence. I didn’t like myself AT ALL. I didn’t like my physical appearance. I didn’t like how my relationship with the Lord was different. I believed every single lie that me as Kat Wilder was not good enough.
That’s where it all started, but thankfully my team was very good at helping me realize the lies. Step by step, I have been taking them to the Lord. He told me what was truth and what were lies. More often then not, I had been told lies. Lies about my character. Lies about my relationship with the Lord. Lies about my appearance.
It’s month four now and there is still one thing I can’t shake. I can’t shake this lie that I am less than because of my age.
Why? Why can’t I see past this obvious lie. Is there truth behind it? Well, I am the second youngest on the squad, yes that is true. I don’t have the ability to speak life and wisdom into my team.. that’s a lie.
Today is day 100 of the World Race and our meeting didn’t start till 11am so I decided to do a little workout. I swam laps and did some yoga. I finished and just laid on my mat. “Lord, why do I feel this way?” The tiniest feather floated down out of the sky and I just caught it in my hand. I looked and this feather was half fluffy and half a normal adult feather.
The Lord said to me, “This is you.”
I could tell that this feather was shed from a baby bird that was turning into an adult bird. The fluff represented my age. I am young. There is no doubt about it, but I am still growing and THAT IS OK. The other half that was the adult feather represents how far I have come. The funny thing is that even though these feathers on this bird are changing… the bird is still a bird. I am still a daughter of the most high and have authority and wisdom regardless of my age.
I am thankful to have this truth. That my father loves my youth. That just because I am young doesn’t mean I am less than.
1 Timothy 4:12 says, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”
I am a child of God and he rejoices in the way HE created me and I should step into that instead of reject it. The Lord placed me here, now and that is for a reason. I have purpose. I have wisdom. I have confidence in who the Lord created me to be.
