“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. This life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20
I have always had the blessing and curse of being something of a perfectionist. Which normally entails me holding myself to a rather high standard, and thus being my own condemner when I don’t meet them. I am also an INFJ personality type, which for those who haven’t studied Myers Briggs at all, basically we tend to be strongly lead by purpose and meaning in life. Therefore, in my mind, I can ALWAYS grow and I can ALWAYS be better! This can be admirable, but can also be rather binding.
In this season of my life, however, God is working in me to surrender. Through a number of recent drastic changes in my life, I have had to acknowledge that there are many things beyond my control.
The thing that blows my mind though, is through all of this development, I genuinely believe that I’ve found me! In needing to surrender and move onto the unknown paths that God lead me to, this has been such a self-discovery!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new as come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
In changing churches, I’ve found a place and people where I truly belong and love! Don’t get me wrong, I loved my old church, and there are many people I still miss. However, I feel like my new church is so me, and I don’t have to “try” to find my place! I am SO blessed by the new relationships God is building in this church family!
God is also at work in my relationships, for years I was restless and angry because I was always pulling the wrong people close and pushing the ones I needed the most away, including God! Given the new perspective He has made me aware of, I can cherish people in a very different way!
He is completely rearranging my identity too! Things I felt “shame” about before and tried desperately to change, have now become gracefully embraced. (It’s not always easy mind you, but as I said above, when the right people are in your life there is so much more love and acceptance all around!) Guys, let me tell you something I can truthfully say I’m proud to admit NOW…..I am a country girl! I am proud of my roots, my lovely farming hometown, my taste in country music, and the beauty of a slower paced life! Believe it or not, that’s something that I’ve fought and am blessed to be embracing!
Despite so many changes and challenges, this season of life feels like coming home, and the truly beautiful thing is, while embracing myself and my God anew, it opens me to the future He is molding for me!
Whatever come my way, Lord, help me to embrace it with arms wide open! Amen.
