Have you ever felt like you were wearing a mask that inhibits others from seeing the real you? Maybe you’ve felt as if the people around you don’t know you for who you truly are. Well for me, that’s been my entire race. On the race, I have heard a lot of comments like “in my real life I don’t do this.” I’ve even been guilty of saying a lot of comments like this myself. “What I’m really like is ___” or “When I’m at home, I ___.” I can see the separation that I put on my “world race life” and my “real life”. This created a strong idea of me feeling unknown. So, in my head, there’s these 23 other people here who have an idea of who they think I am or who they perceive me to be. They haven’t known me long and they don’t know a lot about me. Since we haven’t known each other for that long, there was this idea that I am the real, mask off, Katrina at home and I am fully seen there. After all, that’s the place where I don’t have to try at all. I can be as “me” as I want to be without fear of anything because I know that the people at home know my heart and will love me regardless of anything I do or say (I know, it sounds terrible, just hang with me for a minute). This idea led me to believe that on the race, I am not the real, guard down, mask off, Katrina. Recently, I had expressed this feeling/idea to a couple of people on the squad and invited them into it. Then, something happened. God had used them to give me something that He really wanted to show me. And it knocked me to the floor (okay not literally..but you get the jist of it). God, through these girls, spoke so clearly to me. What if I had grown so used to my old self and that’s just what I found comfortable? What if I (being on the race) am actually becoming who I truly am? What if I am in the process of becoming the Katrina who God intends for me to be and I just don’t recognize her? What if this is the true Katrina and I was just wearing a different mask back at home?
I was reading a book called “The Truth About Lies” a few days ago and ran across this: “We are so used to looking at our lives through distorted lenses that all these versions of success blur our vision for what we think we need in life. Jesus, with the clarity and power of the truth, cleans our glasses, as it were, so that we might see what we should really be living for.” I know, it may not sound relevant. But when I replaced the words, it was so clear: “We are so used to looking at our lives through distorted lenses that all these versions of [ourselves] blur our vision for [who] we think we [are] in life. Jesus, with the clarity and power of the truth, cleans our glasses (our distorted vision), as it were (to His vision), so that we might see [who we really are].” DO YA SEE WHAT I SEE HERE?!
Ephesians 4:22-24 says, “And He has taught you to let go of the lifestyle of the ancient man, the old self-life, which was corrupted by sinful and deceitful desires that spring from delusions. Now it’s time to be made new by every revelation that’s been given to you. And to be transformed as you embrace the glorious Christ-within as your new life and live in union with Him! For God has re-created you all over again in His perfect righteousness, and you now belong to Him in the realm of true holiness” (The Passion Translation).
This shows that it’s not a matter of “real life” but that’s it’s a matter of “new life”. God is chipping away the parts of Katrina that don’t look like Him so that she can become who He has planned for her to be, which is more and more like her Father.
Of course it’s going to look different! And it SHOULD look different. That’s the essence of being set apart. That’s why it was so easy for me to believe those lies from before. Because I didn’t recognize that person. It’s hard after living my life a certain way for over 20 years and then that being completely flipped upside down. But that’s what our God does. He makes us new. As Christians, our entire life will be a process of becoming more and more like Christ. It’s a life of constant molding of our character to be even more aligned with the character of our Father. It’s us moving closer to who God has designed for us to be. Our families and friends can re-learn who we are. We all change as we grow, and I think there’s something so beautiful about that. He is making me new. He is re-creating me. He is transforming me.
