Fear, you are no friend of mine

Fear. It’s a weird thing. It can motivate us. It can be a driving force to push us towards success. It can encourage us. It can even sometimes inspire us. On the other hand, fear can cripple us. It can hinder us. It can paralyze us. It can victimize us. And it can destroy us.

 

But what exactly is fear? Fear is being afraid of something. Fear is a 60 foot stone wall that seems impossibly too high to climb over, leaving you trapped and blocked in isolation, wanting to get to the other side. Some of us see it as a challenge to grow and to learn from. While others might see it as loss in a battle, being left feeling discouraged. What changed this entire perspective of fear for me was when I was told that I can actually overcome fear. That I didn’t have to settle in it but that I actually have the authority, through Jesus Christ, to not let fear be a stronghold on me. Or any hold on me for that matter. I never viewed fear as a spiritual battle before. So this entire concept of telling fear to its face that it actually doesn’t have a place in my life anymore, was a bit odd to me. But fear does have a face, and that face is the enemy. I believe that the enemy uses fear to keep us from lots of things. And he gets pretty creative in the way he uses it to keep us from diving into all that God has for us.

 

Earlier this week was my teammate Hannah’s birthday. It was also our first official adventure day in Nicaragua since we arrived and so we all got to celebrate her at Laguna De Apoyo. Y’all. This was an extremely nice lake, like something you’d see in a dream, it was so beautiful. It doesn’t even come close to any lake I’ve ever seen. There was an area where you could eat (basically a half indoor and half outdoor restaurant) and right beside it was an area specifically for laying out. (Thank you Jesus for creating that space for us to enjoy one another and relax.) There was also a place where you could walk down and access a ladder to get into the water if you’d like. Then there were docks out attached to each of these places, all at different levels. You’d think that the ladder would be the normal way for one to enter into the water. My friends chose the alternative and plunged into the water by jumping off the dock. For you thrill-seekers out there, I’m sure that sounds like a blast. Right?! But for the chickens out there like me, it sounds terrifying. So there I was, watching my friends leap into the water and standing there contemplating if I should do it or not. My mind immediately traced me back to my own words in my head from before I left for the world race: “Katrina, you’re going to do everything you’re terrified of this year because I’m not going to let you look back and regret not doing something. You’re not going to let fear lead you to miss out on anything worth doing.” So, here I was, wanting to jump off this 20 foot dock and enjoy this moment with my friends but so paralyzed by fear that I couldn’t move past it. Don’t get me wrong, I tried. I tried several times. But that fear would continually hold me back each time I decided I was going to do it. I would start to run, then I’d hit that wall of fear and my feet would freeze up.

 

Then one of my teammates brought to my attention that this was more than just a jump. It was a spiritual battle and also a symbolism of my relationship with Jesus. I’m the only one standing in the way between where I’m at and where I want to be. A lot of times Jesus invites me to do big things with Him, things I don’t want to miss out on. He’s constantly chasing after me, wanting me to receive all that He has for me so that I can experience the abundance that He has for me. But I’m the only one standing in the way. 

 

Then I was reminded that this wasn’t actually an issue of fear. But that the root of this fear was really an issue of trust. I was too afraid to jump because I essentially didn’t trust God to protect me and take care of me. Even though there was full evidence right in front of my face that I can trust Him and that I wasn’t going to get hurt. That evidence being the 10 girls who already jumped and were there in the water waiting for me. I miss out on so much that God has for me simply because I let fear mess with my heart. I want what He has for me so badly, but a lot of times I’m just too scared to take the dive and our relationship suffers from it.

 

After ALOT of prayer, an hour and a half later, I finally jumped off the dock. And the joy and encouragement I felt from overcoming that fear that had such a stronghold on me was immeasurable. It didn’t matter that I took me an hour and a half to do it. What mattered is that I chose to trust God instead of letting fear whisper another word into my ear. And the result of that was getting to experience that and celebrate it with my girls. That moment on the dock woke me up to the truth that we hold as Christians versus the lies that the enemy brings. Through Jesus, we have the power of the Holy Spirit. That power is more than enough to overcome fear and we can silence it and fight against it with truth. We have power over it. We don’t have to settle in it. We don’t have to be defeated. With God by our side, we can throw fear out the window and choose to trust that He’ll take care of the rest.