You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 55:12
In the weeks between my homecoming and Project Searchlight, the good LORD gave me so many words from His Word; words that declared peace, stillness, joy, and trust. I declared them over my life and prayed them over my spirit. My main desire was peace. I had just come out of a beautiful season where the LORD instilled the sweetest peace in my life and I was determined to continue to walk in it. But peace, I realized, is a lot harder post-Race than I originally thought. I guess in that contained environment during the Race, ever changing as it was, it was easier to walk in peace. But now I’m no longer in the constraints of #11n11 and I’m out in the open – with a vastness around me that I don’t know what to do with. I could go in any direction, yet I’m unsure what that direction is. I had some plans set for post-Race life and they got put on hold. Therefore, my life currently feels stagnant as I figure out what is next and pray big prayers of faith.
Here’s a quote that many of you have probably read:
You want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.
I’ve heard this quote and I’m sure it’s true to an extent. I’m not sure if He laughs though – that seems a bit rude and inconsiderate. No, I don’t think He laughs. Maybe He smiles knowingly or perhaps He sighs gently. Regardless, I’m pretty sure that Jesus in the flesh experienced moments in His earthly life where things definitely did not go like He would have liked. The Bible tells us that He went through all the same things we did. So there’s comfort in knowing Jesus not only sees, but also understands.
Also in the weeks between my homecoming and Project Searchlight, I was praying for one main thing: clarity. Clarity and answers and direction. I guess that is more than one thing, but it was all with the same purpose: to know what I’m supposed to be doing with myself.
So this last Sunday, I got on a plane to head to Project Searchlight, and God showed me something that only today would I fully grasp. The flight from Chicago, where I had my layover, to Atlanta was absolutely gorgeous. Our cruising altitude was high above an endless panorama of plush, fluffy white clouds. From my window seat, I spent much of this flight with my eyes fixed on this view. I’ve flown a lot in my life, but never have I seen such beautiful clouds – and for this far of a distance. Not once could I see the earth. This sight of the never-ending fluffy clouds was glorious and breathtaking.
Once it was time to descend into Atlanta, we ended up caught up in the clouds. We were completely engulfed. Looking out my window, I couldn’t see but a few inches in front of me. The amount of time we were in the clouds was indeterminate, but I was surprised how long we were in there.
And then, when I didn’t expect it at all, we were out in the clear. I could see beautiful Georgia below me, the skyline of downtown Atlanta in the distance.
The night before, in the secret of my room late at night, I was praying for clarity. I was pleading with God my Father to speak to me this week and to give me answers. So I thought that this whole thing was a metaphor shedding light on that. But I have found truer peace now; I have found a truer meaning to it. Let me explain.
The view above the clouds was my World Race: wondrous and stretching out far in front of me. Beautiful. Captivating. I didn’t want it to end. But then it was time to come home and that season came to an end. The season I’m in right now is the one where I’m in the cloud, where I can’t really see that far in front of me. I’m in this haze. But it has it’s own sort of beautiful. Yes it is overwhelming and envelops me fully. But there is an interesting stillness about it.
But if I dwell in the haze while focusing on Him, in His sovereignty and perfect timing, I’ll descend into the clear. But just like I was a passenger in that plane and the pilot was the one who decided and knew when it was time to descend out of the clouds, so God too knows. His vision and viewpoint put mine to shame, as I look out my little side window.
This sounds super great in theory – but it’s hard to live out. I know, I’ve been there. I’m still kind of there. I don’t as of right this second have any answers, but I have something better – the Prince of Peace living in me.
This is where I trust Him. It doesn’t mean I sit around and do nothing – it means that I pursue Him by walking in faith, listening to His voice, and trusting that He will bring me to where I will see exactly what He has in store. So don’t lose hope – and I tell myself this too – because the Father knows exactly what I need, and He will hold nothing back.
Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for Him to act. Psalm 37:5-7
