I’m always looking for a new experience. A year ago when The Lord called me to the mission field, I wanted something more than an short term mission could give me. My last mission trip was so impacting that I wanted MORE. When I signed up for the race, I believed the race was the “more” I was looking for. I signed up to be uncomfortable. I wanted to live in a tent, I wanted bucket showers, I wanted to eat strange food, I wanted an adventure. I wanted to be challenged in my circumstances. I’m realizing now that I have not used my tent in seven months that this may not be the uncomfortable adventure I was called to experience.
I know The Lord called me to the race to live with a Christian community. Back at home I avoided church events, youth groups, bible studies, anything that required me to be social with Christians. It was not until I was about to leave for the race I realized how my avoidance was an issue. It was a few days before leaving that I decided to tell my church what’s going on in my life. What better way to get close to community than to live with thirty Christians, twenty four hours, seven days a week for eleven months? I carried this image that Christians were judgmental and were ready to expose any brokenness they find. It was a hard realization that I was the one being judgmental by carrying this image.
At Beauty For Ashes, before the race, I was asked what I thought of God. I thought of God as an unreachable tree. The picture was a massive, strong magnificent God created masterpiece, an olive tree that I desperately want to climb. I’m not sure why I wanted to climb it but I knew I needed to. The problem was that I was unable to reach the branches, the trunk was too massive to wrap my arms around, and I was not able to get a good grip to pull myself up.
At the end of month five I received a word from a squad leader before raising new squad leaders. The word was this:
“To my beautiful Lumberjack
Cut Chop Swing”
In month six, I prayed for The Lord to reveal to me the meaning behind this word. It’s amazing how our God loves answering prayers. I’ve been praying hard for listening prayer to become easier. To my amazement The Lord revealed to me his work within me. This is what he told me:
You have to cut, chop down the image you have of me. It’s time to start a new. It’s time to see me in a new light. It’s time to grow a new image. What you thought of me is not who I am. How you think of me is not how I am. It’s time to plant a new seed. Let’s start small. Let’s start at the beginning. I’m not going to grow without you. I’m not going to grow beyond your reach. I’m not going to grow too wide for your arms to wrap around. Yes, I called you to be in community. Remember I have called you to me first.
In month seven I began to realize that community is God’s design for growth. By avoiding community I was depriving myself of one of God’s greatest gift and from growing in my relationship with The Lord. The Lord wants to renew my image of community. I carried this image of God’s people for too long. How can I get close to God if I refuse to get close to His people? There are countless of scriptures that God calls us to unity, to love one another, forgive one another, teach, encourage, correct each other, pray and lift each other to The Lord.
Back in Honduras with my team Dar Vida, we got together to have a heart to heart about the elephant in the room. It was a hard conversation. First time being vulnerable. During this talk my team showed me grace, love, and acceptance. Afterwards we did a spontaneous worship to The Lord. It was beautiful. My wonderful sister Leah saw I was trying to step back from the group, from worship, and saw that I was trying to retreat within myself. She took my hand, drew me back to my loving family, prayed for me and spoke truth to me. By taking my hand she drew me closer to The Lord. This is one of my favorite impactful moments on the race.
By coming on the race I have experienced love and acceptance from my brothers and sisters. By experiencing this I’m experiencing Christ’s love and acceptances. My heart is softening for God’s people, which in turn is softening my heart for The Lord. When I experience forgiveness from my brothers and sisters, I’m experience Christ’s forgiveness. When my brothers and sisters pray for healing for my brokenness, I know that The Lord won’t leave me here. That this to will pass. I’m proud to call God’s people my brother and sisters. I’m proud to call The Lord my Father. My image of God’s people is changing which is changing my image of the The Lord. With all of this I’m learning what it looks like to be a better sister, daughter, and friend. I’m learning what it looks like to have a better grip of The Lord’s hand to carry me through the hard times. They have pointed out God’s glory in everyday life. They have helped me understand the power of the Holy Spirit. I’m learning that community is a source of accountability and guidance, a safe place to pray, and to give Him glory. I’m learning to be vulnerable, giving up control, strip away my self-interest. I’m learning to share what God has given me and how he is shaping me. Community make the gospel a living reality, not just a story.
Thank you Lord for pushing me into this crazy loving community.
