Hello friends and family!
Our team is safe and sound at our ministry base in Ratchaburi! Even though we were only gone for a week, we were all excited to return “home”. It’s sweet how a space can become a home within the matter of a couple of weeks. We spent the past week at a village on the border of Thailand. We stayed with the Karen people, many of whom are refugees from Myanmar. We did a mixture of manual labor, teaching English, children ministry, leading worship/church, visiting and praying with families, and going into the local school to teach. The village kids were sweet but WILD. I quickly became a human jungle gym/punching bag. It was a challenging week both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, I got rid of my sleeping pad in Bangkok, so I slept on a sleeping bag on the tile floor. With the help of melatonin, I managed to get some sleep, but let’s just say I’m really in need of a Thai massage hahaha. Mentally and spiritually, the Lord is walking me through a season of self-awareness. Community living exposes a lot of things about yourself that you may or may not have realized were there. After spending almost two months with a group, you pretty much witness every side of one another, and there isn’t really any way to hide things/feelings. Certain actions begin to trigger you and you start to question “why does that bother me?” It definitely teaches the importance of self-awareness and communication. And this week, the Lord brought some things I’ve buried within myself to the surface. I crashed. I realized that I had been holding onto my heart, my thoughts, and my past struggles/pain from Him. If you know me, you know I’m determined, driven, and I like to see results. Although this is a gift, it can also be harmful. I wanted to just hand these things over to God and be transformed overnight. But that sort of radical change takes time and patience. And as I had my cup of coffee with God, He gave me a sweet image.
I got a vision of me physically handing my heart, mind, and pain/grief over to Him. And as I sit in stillness, allowing Him to do the work, He returns all of it. New and transformed. A heart that is no longer hardened, but filled with His spirit. A mind filled with thoughts of salvation. And lastly, what I call my, “grief pocket”… He handed over to me, whispering, “This is what life was like before me. This is the darkness, pain, and hurt that you’ve walked through. But let me remind you, you were NEVER alone. I was there even when you didn’t want me to be. My heart broke for you, and I felt your pain. I heard your cries. I loved you even when you didn’t love yourself. And there are some things that you won’t be able to understand or see, but trust that I have a plan. What the world intends for bad, I use for good. You know what darkness is like, therefore, you understand the sweetness and life-changing light that my friendship holds. I have given that to you as a gift… don’t hide it from the world. Share it”
No matter how much I strive and work to fix these things within myself, I can’t do it. Only He can. And the only thing I can do is seek Him, worship Him, lie at His feet, talk with Him, read about Him, and trust that He will finish the work that He has begun within me.
He is not finished yet.
And I will seek Him until I see Him face-to-face.
My team has been incredible. They hold me accountable, encourage me, and continue to show me love during this time of processing with the Lord. We all had a difficult week, but as we endured a time of trials, we pushed each other and reminded one another why we are here. Ultimately, we aren’t here for ourselves… but we’re here to spread the love of the father. We are not here to please the world or people, but we live for the Lord. I will continue to make a fool of myself doing funny dances and silly skits if it means one person can experience the true love of our father. I will continue to fight in prayer, worship with my tone-deaf voice at church, and share what the Lord is teaching me in my struggles and victories if it means one person receives the good news of the gospel. Because my Father sent His one and only son to die on the cross for me. And that love, true sacrificial love, is life-changing. So why would I keep that to myself? Why wouldn’t I want other people to experience His chain-breaking, merciful, and reckless love?
As I continue to seek his face and share from an overflow of His spirit, I ask that you partner in prayer for me and my team as we head into a week of Prison/juvenile detention ministry. Prayers that hearts will be impacted and seeds will be planted!
Thank you again for taking the time to read about my journey!
I hope you all have a spectacular week!
