I am terrified! It is month nine, and the World Race is quickly coming to an end. I will soon be back in the states. Back with family and friends. Back in my home church. Back to work, and school, and life as it was before. But honestly, nothing will be as it was before. God has done too much, changed too much, and moved too much for me to ever be content with the way life was before. He has changed my plans and my calling. He has changed my heart and my passions. He has changed my desires, and given me Kingdom dreams.
I would be lying if I said that I was ready, or even wanted to come home. You see, I have grown attached. Attached to my community, to my relationships, to my life over seas. I am attached to my relationship with The Father, and how I experience Him every day. And, I am afraid. I am afraid that all of this will stop when I get home. I am afraid that I will become so caught up in every thing that my life was before, that I will forget everything that God is doing in me now.
I am shy to even admit these fears. I know that my friends and family back at home are excited that the race is ending, and that I will soon be home. I don’t want to disappoint them with my honesty. But the truth is, I am not ready. Please, don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled to see my family, and go to my church, and catch up with friends. But I am in love with the mission field, and if I could have my way, I would stay right here in Africa.
As I talk to God about these fears, He reminds me of the growth that is coming in this next season. He tells me that He is preparing me for something greater, and I have to be willing to do things that are uncomfortable, hard, or confusing, because He sees the big picture. He knows what the future holds, and I know that He holds the future. I trust Him with everything that I am. I know that this next season will be one of preparation and growth. I trust Him to lead me where I need to go, when I need to go there. I trust Him to open doors that need to be opened and close doors that need to be closed.
My Race is ending, and this amazing season is coming to a close. I am terrified of coming home. But God is good, and worthy of all my trust and obedience. So, as I make this transition, I am committing to not falling back into life as it was before, but to following the leading of my Heavenly Father, and to treating every day as a day on the mission field.
