The decision to not go on the 9 month mission trip this year was a hard one. For months after leaving training camp I didn’t know if I made the right choice or not. There was this constant battle in my mind, should I have gone or is it good that I didn’t? I kept reassuring myself that God has. plan for everyone, that a 9 month mission trip a this point in my life, wasn’t a part of mine. It was a very bitter-sweet decision. Yes, I was able to celebrate every holiday with my loved ones. And yes, I was listening to what God was telling me. But, I I constantly felt selfish for choosing to stay in the comfort of my home in my small town in Kentucky. Everyday I would say, ” I could be in Costa Rica right now, or Cambodia serving the Lord, helping those in need, and creating lifelong relationships and memories. On social media I saw the work done and love shared by my old squad mates. It was hard for me to accept that I wasn’t supposed to take part in that, that God had a special plan just for me. I spent months at home, not going to school like everyone I graduated with had, and not serving on the mission field like everyone I had met at training camp. It was getting more and more difficult for me to find the purpose in staying back. The thing I had been planning for over the past four years was no more, andI had no clue what I was going to do. I was lost, trying to figure out whammy next step was.
These past few weeks I have really taken a step back and saw what my life has looked like the last five months. I have applied & been accepted in to college this upcoming semester, I have spent more quality time withy family than I ever have in my life, I have put so much focus into my mental and physical health, I found a new mission trip that’s much better for me, I’ve been able to be present for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. The thing I am most grateful for has been to help m mom & dad during my dad’s recovery from surgery. He had surgery on his back, so he wasn’t able to leave the house for a while, drive, or go to work. He was also in constant pain for weeks. My mom has been working a lot more than usual. Since I’m home and not going to school, I have been able to step in. Whether it be going to pick up food, driving him to run errands, or just sitting next to him on the couch talking and watching American Pickers.
Not being in a different country thousands of miles away has allowed me to take care of my dad and keep him company. He’s constantly telling me how happy he is that I’m home. And now, I am too. I always knew God had a reason for keeping me home during this season of my life, but now I finally understand why. I feel at peace with my decision now. I’ve learned to trust the Lord no matter if I disagree or feel uneasy. For the first time in a while I’m excited about the next chapter in my life & for the new path God has played out for me.
