My leader, Lucie, gave me a copy of her book, Just Courage by Gary A. Haugen. I am exactly one chapter in, and here are some things it has put on my mind and some quotes from it!
For the past eighteen years, I have kept God in a box. I have talked to God on my time, welcomed Him to be a part of only certain things, and kept my dependence on Him at an arm’s length.
It is easy, safe, and comfortable to make sure I depend on God, but only to a certain extent. I still live in a place where I will be able to pull my life together just in case God doesn’t show up.
Living this way isn’t how God calls me to. I’m not supposed to be a passive follower.
“Jesus beckons me to follow Him to that place of weakness where I risk the vulnerability of a child so that I might know how strong my Father is and how much He loves me.”
I have been sitting in the Dominican Republic and in Haiti not understanding why I don’t actually know who God is.
The reason why I have all these questions about God’s love and who He is IS BECAUSE I’VE NEVER TRUELY RISKED ANYTHING. I’ve never stood in complete and utter reliance on God. I’ve never lived depending fully on Him, without any back up plan or safety net.
I have no clue how to change that, but something I’ve been learning lately is that when God calls you to do something, you don’t fully even have to know how to do it. If you say “yes” He will take you the rest of the way.
Everyday, I am going to continually invite the Holy Spirit into all my actions and thoughts. This is the only way I can think to take God out of this box I’ve put Him in. Something else I read was:
“Mother Teresa said that she couldn’t imagine doing her work for more than thirty minutes without prayer. Do you and I have work that we can’t imagine doing for thirty minutes without prayer?
If not, perhaps we need a new life’s work. Or perhaps we need to do an old life’s work in a new way. “
When I read this, it was extremely convicting. I need to be talking to God all the time. I can do life and the World Race by myself and on my own terms… but why would I want to? Why would I want to when I could do life with the Creator of the Universe, with the Father who will never fail me, with His Spirit that will reveal life to me in the most beautiful way imaginable?
