This blog may very well be one of the most emotional blogs I have ever written, and for sure the longest. It serves as an open letter to some of my dearest and most appreciated friends, my P Squad family. They have not just been my friends, but my brothers, my sisters, and my teachers. As I write this my mind is resurfacing memories from the first time that I met them at training camp exactly one year ago. I was scared, I was vulnerable, and I did not know what to expect. I think if you asked each of us we would say the same things. We welcomed each other with open arms and open hearts. We have fought for, uplifted, cried with, laughed at (and with), sought out, pushed forward with, and worshipped with each other for a year now, although it feels like so many more.
This group of people has been my community during one of the greatest, most difficult, yet rewarding years of my life. They have seen me grow, held me when I cried, prayed with me when I needed it, and seen me down to the core of who I am. If I was a flower, they were the water and sunshine needed to grow me tall and beautiful, strong and blooming with color and life. Saying ‘See Ya Later’ to them and this year on the Race may be the hardest thing I do in my life yet.
So, to each individual I write this with love and appreciation, and maybe just a little sarcasm. Don’t worry leadership, I included you guys too because you’re totes apart of this family. Without further ado, and in no particular order…
Dear…
Morgan, right now you’re smiling big because you’re proud of being the first one on my list. I know I’ve told you this before, but thanks ago for being intentional from the very beginning and one of few to read my About Me before camp. The wires in my mind tripped a little when you asked me if my name was Hope that first day at camp. I couldn’t believe it, I was afraid of this new thing God was doing, but I felt understood and loved in that moment. You’ve brought tons of laughter to me, countless ‘OMG no he didn’t’ moments, and numerous warm hugs into my life. You inspire me to just be me, because you are so unafraid to just be you. You might be a little bit crazy, but hey it keeps me entertained. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t know that I don’t walk heel to toe, or that my left shoulder sits a little lower than my right. Or is it higher? Oh well, I’m grateful for you brother, and love you a lot. Dave and Sue, ya done pretty good with this one.
Paige, my Midwest fire cracker. Sure, sometimes you say things a little funnier than the rest of us and I make fun of you for it, but it’s all out of love baby! You know that verse in Song of Songs that says ‘she is more precious than rubies?’ Girl that is you because you’re one true gem. I appreciate your intentionality, your sweet smile, your honesty, and insane amount of clothes that you let people borrow. From the bush of Uganda, the village in Rwanda, back to city life in Albania, a literal home in Serbia, to the nicest hostel ever (for us) in Thailand, you were always by my side cheering me on. Thanks for introducing me to my first Margarita, convincing me that Bieb’s is actually a good artist, and for choosing to rebel with me and rent a moto to drive in Thailand. I cannot wait to visit you in Minnesota, I mean Wisconsin, same thing right? We’ll eat cheese curds and Culvers, take long road trips, and maybe I will cave in and go to a country concert with you. I love you baby cakes!
Shara, since before training camp you’ve been there. My fellow LU girl, Lynchburg lover, and sausage gravy connoisseur; just kidding you’re crazy for hating it. I smile every time you let out one of your cute, childlike laughs. Don’t ever let that change, or I might chase you down with hot sausage gravy. I love how you see people and love them so well. I love that you can cook like a boss, and how you have shared that skill with me to my taste buds advantage. I appreciate your love of old music and how you have managed to continue to carry around such a heavy water bottle. It’s been a joy to finish the Race with you by my side. I know your future is as bright as your teeth are white. I love you girl.
Annie, my girl. My friend, sister, fellow Andrew’s Sister, and teammate from day one. Remember the first time we had a one-on-one? Honduras, comfy couch, chocolate, and a big bowl of French fries. It’s one of the many wonderful memories that have been had with you. Together we have laughed at one another, made fun of one another, loved one another, encouraged one another, and seen one another at some very low and high points in our lives. From painting murals, practicing our Spanish, drinking mucho coffee, sharing many heart to hearts, keeping things fun in hours of traffic, laying in the road together, Christmas caroling together, dancing and singing in Africa together, crying from being split up, and rejoicing when we were back in each other’s arms. Thanks for putting up with me as I began the process of discovering who I was, it was a joy to be with you as your journey started as well. Thanks for being solid, friend. I love you dearly.
Bill Swan, you may or may not read our blogs or check-ins, but if you have I hope you’ve been encouraged as much as you have been entertained. I don’t really know what you do for our squad, but I’m sure it’s a lot and it must be completely behind the scenes. How humble of you! Thank you for letting us crash your home that one day during camp. It was honestly my favorite day because I got to use an actual toilet. You were a Racer once, you know how precious the feeling of porcelain is to a tush that’s been touching Johnny Blues for a week. You’re one cool guy, and I won’t lie if you ever gave me feedback I would be scared to death, but also so honored. Thanks, Billy boy.
Ashley, my most precious and fellow fearless nomadic woman. Together we have survived very drastic living situations. We both know what it’s like to live in a Ugandan hut or Mongolian ger, to be without electricity or wifi, to be surrounded by vast miles of nothing but land, and also cows. We all knew from day one that you would eventually become a squad leader; just take the compliment. It’s only because you’re simply freaking awesome, loving, gentle, surprising, funny, cute, wise, and smart. You introduced me to pillow talk, morning songs, and Indian food. Neither of us drink much, but we’ve both drank more on the Race than we ever did before it. Thanks for holding me as I cried and for being my sister on the field, and for understanding my need to cuddle those few nights in Uganda. You’re a rock star. You’re gonna go far, kid. I love you so much!
Paul, aka Pauly D. You’ve never asked me to not call you that, despite Pauly D’s insanely awful reputation. I promise it’s not an insult to yours, you’re a much better guy. Thanks for leading our squad in the way you have. You have done a tremendous job, for that I am so thankful. Thanks for not just being our squad mentor, but our friend, our brother, and one heck of an example. I’ve always thought you were brave, because you did the Race twice, you’ve mentored twice, you have shared very deep things and been vulnerable with us (we all know you love it), you have lived through scary and hard times, and now you’re close to setting sail for Thailand. God has certainly been your rock through it all. I appreciate you seeing people’s potential, for seeing mine and wanting to show me what you saw. Your team leader check-in phone calls were once a scary thought, but now I look forward to them because you always challenge well and offer wise encouragement. Don’t let who you are change, especially not your contagious and giddy (yeah I said it) laughter. Stay bougie. I love you, friend.
Matti man, Mateo, I still can’t believe you shaved your beard bro. I remember how special it was for me to see you worship mosh at camp. I never thought of moshing as a form of worship, but I saw how it moved you (literally), so thanks for being vulnerable in that way with the squad, it really taught me something. I love your intentionality to get to know people, how you listen so well, love so well, and give hugs so well. You accept people as they are. You’ve been through a lot, yet keep such joy in your spirit. I loved sitting with you and doing laundry together that one day in Guatemala. Shout out to that one time at camp when you fell out of the hammock. Thanks for being a gentle old soul who cares a lot about people. I see Jesus when I look at you, and it’s not just in the beard, because ya know that’s gone now and I still see it. I love you brother.
Corrie, MiMi, it really should have been NaeNae. When I think of you as a sauce I think of you as honey BBQ. You’re sweet, but you got a kick. Spicy and sweet, sassy and gentle. You taught me how to read the Word well, how to love people well, how to encourage well, how to be open with your thoughts and open to seeing what we need to work on within ourselves. You radiate strength, beauty, wisdom, and love of the Lord. This might sound weird but I love to watch you laugh. It brings me so much joy. I listened to more Norah Jones this year because of you. I danced more freely, loved more deeply, and became more of myself because of you. I’m already itching to come see you in St. Luis, and it’s not just the mosquito bites. Boulder forever. I love you so much!
Megan, my baby muffin. You might be cute and squishy cheeked like a baby, but you are certainly not wimpy or needy like one. Thanks for knowing when something is up with me and asking me if I’m okay. Thank you for bringing joy to the world when you entered it. I enjoy your energetic and loud company as much as I enjoy your quiet and calm company too. Thanks for wanting to be on a team with me, the pleasure has been mine. I enjoy your pickup lines, or encouragement lines, whatever you consider them. You are beary special to me, my lil cutecumber. I can’t wait to see you around in the good ol’ state for lovers. I’m so excited for you to live and experience some of the mountains and valley’s that built me. I love you forever baby muffin.
Courtney Vlaun, you are one strong and brave woman. We had many heartfelt and vulnerable moments at training camp and launch. Those moments are coming to the surface of my mind now and making me feel like you’re right here next to me in Sri Lanka. I miss you friend. I wish that you hadn’t had to leave us, but I am so glad you are getting answers to your bodies questions. Remember that time in Malaysia that we prayed for an hour over your feet? It’s one of my top favorite moments on the Race. I know your body is going to receive it’s full healing, I will keep praying for that day to come soon. And for that knight in shining armor to come along too. You deserve it, babe. Stay sweet and bold, you’re inspiring people. I love you!
Jed, my brother from the beginning. 1. You’re crazy. 2. You’re insane. 3. You’re nuts. But, despite all that wackiness I still find myself wanting to be your friend. You have a way of insulting people while still maintaining their friendship. Hold your britches, you don’t really insult people…that often. You do it all out of love, I know it. You provide reliable advice, sarcastic conversation, and a new level of immaturity that I never saw before I knew you. I may never understand some of the things you say, or know how to respond to a lot of what comes out of your mouth, and better yet some of your actions, but I will always love and appreciate your friendship. In all seriousness I have always looked up to you and thought so highly of you. Thanks for having the idea to sharpie my real name onto my name tag at camp. I appreciated that more than words can say. Also thanks for leading our first WR team, #ELE4eva. You’re my only frat-boy friend. Okay, frat-boy-like friend. You know it’s true. You are one of few men in the world who can pull off work and play at the same time. Thanks for being my fellow dog lover and for teaching me a thing or two about football leagues. Remember that time you lost our bet? Go Patriots! Still can’t believe you gave away that shirt I bought you. But, I still think you’re pretty great. Stay bougie. I love you bro-dawg.
Christian, let’s just be real and go ahead and say that you’re basically the coolest human being on the planet. You are a real treasure my friend. Which reminds me of the first words you ever said to me, “will you be your teams treasurer?” You have this way with people that very few have. You’re witty, kind, classy, hilarious, caring, intentional, loving; I mean you’re basically me. Having you with us for those two weeks in El Salvador was a dream come true. Thanks for always listening to my heart and sharing yours with me. No need for us to worry about husbands, God knows what He’s doing. Way to stick out the waiting, I know how it feels girl. I really don’t know how one person can hold such an insane amount of pure awesome, but you pull it off well. And I know you would say that it’s all the Lord. I’m forever grateful that you chose to say yes to P-squad, we would not be who we are today without you. I mean 100% of what we say is for sure Yoder influenced. Really going to miss you friend. Okay I love you, bye.
Jeremy, Jerry, Jerome, you know all of them. Seeing you grow this year has been a joy for me. You have provided a lot of laughs, and the things that you say could fill a book. Thanks for making me spit out my drink more than once with your surprising humor. I appreciate your random knowledge, honesty, encouragement, and friendship. I am so proud of how far you have come and that you kept pushing through even when times were tough. You have been an inspiration to a lot of people. Thanks for backing me up whenever Jed or Harmony criticized the Patriots. You are a true friend. Love you J man!
Rounine, you are my only Haitian friend. You have an insane gift of learning languages. You inspire me to push through and learn more. I love your sweet presence and that you bring a calmness wherever you go. I love how you push for growth in your life. Thank you for sitting with me in Uganda and helping pull out all those braids, that kindness meant so much to me. I love your perseverance throughout this Race. How you kept fighting to go and kept fighting to stay. You bring light and joy to everyone you meet. I love hearing about your family, I know they bring you so much joy and love, I’m proud of you for stepping away from them for a year of your life. I cannot wait for the day that you move to Korea. Keep pursuing that call. Also your hair is fly AF. Love you so much.
Julissa, I do think you should adopt Flora as your middle name because you need one. When I met you at training camp I was shocked at how tall you were. I really wasn’t expecting that, I hugged you and my face was chest level with you. I remember the first time we had a deep conversation, on that long bus ride to Guatemala. Why did they route us from Honduras to Guatemala, when we had to go through El Salvador to get there? Oh well, it gave us plenty of time to get to know each other. We have similar upbringings, similar interests, same college study and similar career desire, although not so much anymore you model you. I can’t wait to see you grow in the modeling industry and shed the light of Jesus in a very dark place. I love how you pursue people and desire to get to know them well. I love your hilariousness and ability to bring laughter to the hardest of hearts. I hope they make a parody of The Godfather one day so you can finally make your film debut. You deserve greatness. Keep pursuing Jesus and chasing after the Father’s heart. Sing out loud, sing out strong. I love you boo.
Brittany, the other third of the Andrew’s Sisters. What does the company do, Brittany?! Thanks for letting me call you Brittany like they say it in White Chicks, your name brings me real joy. I love your smile, your leadership, your genuine care, your knowledge of animals and humans, your desire to become a fabulous doctor, and your love of worshipping the Lord. You have done a lot in your years on this earth, way to go doing things! Congratulations on not losing your accent despite not being surrounded by people who talk like you. It’s sweet and charming, and it makes me feel at home when you’re around. You have a voice that deserves to be heard, so keep belting those tunes. I’m so proud to be your friend. Next time I’m in Georgia I’m stopping in for a visit! Unless you’ll be in Malaysia. Love you girl!
Lyndsay, the muffin to my turd. Okay that sounds weird…but really, muffin I love you. Remember that one time in Guatemala that I got dehydrated and you carried me on your back? Thanks friend, it blessed me a lot. I always thought it was so cool that you were a teacher. I don’t really know why, I guess because teachers are awesome so I respected you a lot from day one. I appreciated you being there for me when some crazy stuff happened that one night at training camp. I remember looking up and seeing you crying and praying, I will never forget that moment. I appreciate your leadership and encouragement, your words of wisdom and thrill for adventure. Keep it 100, muffin. I love you.
Hallie Berry, it’s officially apart of your name, but you already know that. I was so sad that I never got you as a squad leader, and then you came to see me for a week in Rwanda. That was so fun! All the pasta and potatoes and sweet ketchup you could ever want. Teeki-Tonga anyone? Your hair is like Rapunzel, sunshine comes from each strand. I love your contagious joy, fun spirit, and countless amount of “y’alls” in your speech. Your devotion to this squad has pushed us to reach for our potential. I have seen you believe in us and speak life into our destinies. I fully understand your love of Chick-fil-A and feel equally the same about it. You have a cute and contagious smile that lights up a room. I love you so much!
Sammy, oh my sweet Sammy! Remember when you let me come with your family during our Texan layover? You introduced me to Whataburger and it changed my life. I introduced you to 5Below and it changed your life. Then we shared a Chick-fil-A meal for the first time in three months and our lives changed again. Safe to say we have been lifechanging for one another! I haven’t had a more delicious brownie than the one you shared with me that day. I think you are brilliant, beautiful, joyful, funny, loving, caring, incredible, bright, spicy (not just because you’re Mexican), sweet and much more. I always wanted you on a team, but at least I had you on my squad. You are a bold lion for the kingdom. Your knowledge of the truth is on fire. The future is so bright for you. I love you so much Sammy girl.
Katelyn, you were the first one to welcome me to P squad. I remember the day I finally made the decision to listen to God and move my route from January to October. You said to me, “wow, people usually defer to a later squad, not a sooner one” or something like that. You have provided encouragement and hope to me since that day. Whether it was in fundraising, me feeling emotional about leaving home, or just hearing me out as I talked about randomness. You gave wise words at training camp and cheered all of us on as we started our journey together. I think you have an incredible job, and you do kick A at it. Congratulations on your recent baptism, and marriage of course! Holla! I love you girl.
Harmony, my loud and proud sister. You were the only person I was kind of afraid of at camp, I think it was mostly because I secretly wanted to be like you. You pulled things out of me this year that most people could not have. Remember that day we were painting in El Salvador and singing at the top of our lungs? No one has ever asked me to sing louder. Thank you for that, friend. You are one of the only people on the squad that I feel comfortable enough to be fully myself around, including not being afraid to argue (peacefully) with you on something I disagree with. I think it’s because I know you are a true friend. You’re one I can have fun with, but can also call at 3 a.m. to run through fire with me. You’d be annoyed that it was at 3 in the morning, but you’d be more than happy to charge the gates of Hell with me. You are fiery, bold, beautiful, obnoxious, adorable, dramatic, smart, kind, and a dang good cook. I cannot wait to celebrate Fernando’s homecoming with you. I love you sister.
Courtney Cox, the one and only. I didn’t know if we would ever be good friends or not, until they put you on my team. Getting to know you and your heart has been a true delight of mine. You have a super fun side that pretty much takes over any serious side that you have, and I love that. You understand well the motto “why so serious?” Life with you has brought with it a lot of laughs and silly eye-rolls. One of my favorite times with you was that carnival in Malaysia. Your inner kid blossomed and you fearlessly rode things by yourself, because you had to experience the fun and thrills. I also loved our intimate chat in our Mongolian kitchen when we talked about missions and your heart for India, Nepal and other unreached peoples that just need someone to go tell them. I know if I ever have a spontaneous itch to do something crazy I can call on you to answer. And if I ever need serious advice or someone to just listen, you would be there for that too. Like Morgan says, yours eye are big but your heart is bigger, and that’s 100% accurate. I love you so much, Glenn CoCo. Gig ’em, Ags!
Clay, remember being utterly confused by my name situation when I became a treasurer? Sorry for all that. Hey man, you are a boss. I really don’t know how you do it, but you handle our squad’s money incredibly well. I appreciate all your countless efforts to keep us on point. Thanks for understanding me as I figured treasury life out at the beginning. You have a contagious joy for life and winning sense of humor. I wish you could come out to more than one debrief, but hey at least we could catch up in Jinga. I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with emailing you very often just for the fun of it. I promise I’ll email you more when I get back home. You’re a cool dude, I’m cheering you on in whatever your next endeavor might be. Woof. Love you brother.
Lauren, Lo, Disney princess, whatever you prefer (Princess Lo fo sho.) I remember being impressed by your use of words to get me to go do something else in Guatemala one day. It might be too long to type here, so if you’re wondering what it was just ask me. May the Lord make His face shine upon you, my dear. That He does. You radiate joy and childlike faith. You lead in righteousness and grace. You inspire people to want to know Jesus through your contagious love, adoration, and amazement at who He is. You have been tested with much, but came out strong. I admire your perseverance. Keep pumping the spirit in and out of your life. Keep it up girl. I love you!
Ravi, I know you hear this a lot, but when I learned your name wasn’t actually Robbie I couldn’t believe it. Also, congrats on getting to meet your namesake, that’s so awesome! Thanks for being so easy to talk to, one who encourages and challenges, and one who listens well. Thanks for sharing that podcast with me in Honduras and teaching me a little bit about personality types. Even though we don’t share the same one anymore, we’re both still Pitbull’s according to BuzzFeed. Thanks for seeing gifts in me that I didn’t see, and for pushing me to use them. I appreciate your book recommendations even though I have yet to read like any of them. Proud of you for following God’s call to Thailand, I know you’ll do big things for the Kingdom there. Love you, Rav.
Kori, Yergs, Yergie, Yergilicious. My girl. You’re crazy, you’re weird, you’re hilarious, you fart a lot, your mouth knows no filter, you’re a secret genius, and a fabulous RN. You are one of my faves and you know it. Your excitement for the village in Rwanda helped me push through after I came from a month in the bush of Uganda. You were the first one to tell me that you were excited to have me as your new team leader. I appreciate our friendship and mutual understanding of each other. Thanks for all the laughs, encouragement, and advice. I still cry laughing when I think of your Nile experience. You’re always willing to get out there and do something, no sitting on your arse is tolerated. You have a thrill for life that compels people to want that thrill as well. Even if you don’t move to VA I will still come visit you wherever you go. Pumped for some NeedToBreathe in St. Luis! #Boulderforlife. I love you, Yergs!
Ang, oh Angera. It’s a long time coming with you girl, but not long enough. Please forgive me for thinking your birthday was in September, but if it’s any consolation I suck at remembering birthdays. You inspired me to create lovely things in my journals, to write in pretty cursive, and to broaden my artistic side through watercolors. You listen incredibly and offer fabulous advice. I think you should write a book one day, I will be the first to buy and the first to require a signed copy. I can’t wait to see you fall in love with someone special, and to hear real-life stories of you two dancing in the kitchen to Frank Sinatra. Thanks for asking me to help you pop blackheads that one day in Albania. Yes, I just said that on a public media site, but it’s okay Ang we all have them. Thanks for laughing with me, praying with me, crying with me, and dreaming with me. You inspire me, and a lot of others too. Don’t ever change. I love you boo.
Marissa, mystery girl from the big OC. Why they never put us on a team together I don’t know, you were one I always wanted on my team. I have yet to hear the secret ‘accident’ story that you keep hidden. I love your bubbly laugh and sense of humor. I loved hearing a part of your story one day at camp when we did a truth circle. I also thought you were crazy at camp to have all that hidden tuna. I remember being so blessed and proud of you that one day in Thailand when you stood in front of us on the beach and challenged us to push hard. Also, I’m pretty sure you’re the only person on the whole squad who never really had to rough it this year. How did you get out of that one? You’re a cool one, Mariss Kiss. Thanks for being my friend and sister. I love you girl.
Lisa, your wisdom and grace have changed my life. Thank you for always yielding to the Spirit, and speaking words that God knows I need to hear. I loved that you were a part of something very special in my life at Training camp. You walk in wonder and love of the Father. You inspire growth and acceptance in people’s hearts. I appreciate the mighty woman of God that you are. Your life is truly a legacy of love. I hope to come visit you some time in VA. We can go to the beach, and you can teach me more about our wonderful Jesus. I know you are one I can count on if I ever need someone to be there for me. I love you very much Momma Lisa.
Heather, my sweet-faced friend. Thank you for putting up with my love of holding your face when I see you. You just have a face that needs a good touch of affirmation for being so soft and beautiful! Meeting you and Shara for the first time before camp gave me inspiration and fresh desire to keep pushing forward in this thing. I have so appreciated our times of laughter and joy. You kill with kindness and inspire others to do the same. I love your heart for Jesus and others. Remember when we rode down to Lynchburg on our way to camp? Joy still asks me about you, probably because you’re someone that touches people’s lives when you only meet them once. Thanks for the cuddles, laughs, smiles, massages, and wisdom on finance when it was needed at the beginning. I love you, forever friend.
Kelly, my girl who has lived in both my lovely home state of VA, and the very city in Alaska where I wish I lived. Thanks for the fun and memories that we made going to camp. That ride back home was a sure favorite, just worshipping loudly with the windows down, not saying a word to one another. I will also never forget our time going to launch together. Parental arguments, necessary stop at Cook Out, meeting your family in Georgia and hearing some crazy stories that I could never tell anyone, and introducing me to that famous restaurant in Atlanta which the name of now escapes me. I have loved seeing you grow in your identity this year, and step up to lead in ways that God was growing you in. It’s been a joy to know you. I know I’ll see you around. Love you girl.
Tim, oh Tim. You are one incredible man of God. I love how you giggle every time you cry, and that you always cry when it comes to talking about the love of God. You inspire me to want to know more about who He is. Your wisdom and encouragement have been so vital to my life in this year. You have pushed me to grow and blossom into the woman that God created me to be. For you my heart is forever thankful. Thanks for being like a dad that I never had. You treat all people with grace and honor, and everything you do points back to Jesus. You showed us what vulnerability looks like, and encouraged us to dig into it while leaning on God as we did so. I wish I had chosen to do one-on-ones with you sooner than Thailand, but I know you’re just a phone call away at any hour of the day when I need your sweet advice and prayers. Thanks for being so awesome. Love you, Tim.
Well, P, this is it. I am so grateful I could do this with you all by my side. And I’m forever grateful for how you helped me grow into who I am today. Thank you for showing me love that is “patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking or easily angered, keeps no record of wrong, rejoices in the truth, always protects, hopes, trusts, and perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13.
I love you so much P,
Hope
