Katie O’Brien, 24, Residential Counselor
This is me.
Just striving to put one foot in front of the other.
This has become a theme in my life. Putting one foot in front of the other will carry one far. Resting but not giving up. Consistent slow progress. Just one foot in front of the other. No need to run.(unless gravity is pulling you down the hill at an alarming rate and you better run or you’re going to fall… similar to when God starts opening doors at an alarming rate. One foot in front of the other becomes a rapidly repeating pattern, unavoidable, and involuntary.) The pace typically determined by thought patterns, and physical comfort. Walking on the journey of life is ever-changing and sometimes surprising. Breakthrough setting the pace at practically a run, and heartbreak bringing it to a grinding snails pace, or occasionally a complete halt (but never for long).
To introduce myself properly, I am Katie O’Brien.
I am the product of the experiences I have accrued in my time here on earth. I am fueled by my dreams, and weathered by my journey. My manifesto is to love God and love others. I am content to be present, yet I long for eternity. A paradox, consistent with the life I have lived. Living both safe, and reckless. Experiencing periods of elite health, as well as being unable to leave my house due to medical issues. It is hard to say where I would be or what I would look like if this were not the case. God has seen fit for these things to pass, and has opened the doors for me to embark on a new chapter (read “gravity pulling me into a run”).
As for why I’m here. The simple answer is God brought me here. Using various experiences to prepare me. Breaking me down, and building me back up. Allowing me to fall so far that I realized that I needed professional help, and desperate enough to actually seek it out. A journey through heartbreak, crushing weight of shame, being “unlovable”, being rejected (that word doesn’t accurately communicate the weight if that particular situation, but that’s for another blog), and suffocating under the weight of attempting to carry it all on my own.
As an avid backpacker I am what some might refer to as a “gram weenie”. Weighing every item I carry and carrying strictly what is necessary (Some are skeptical of what I deem as “necessary” and scrutinize my little pack with doubt). The ease of the burden carried to sustain my being is important, because a heavy pack just makes each and every step agonizing vs being slightly inconvenienced in how I conduct myself when I’m resting in camp. Being a “gram weenie” is something I desperately need to transfer over into the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms of my life. In all reality I am not going to need all of this shame in order to survive/thrive in this life. Yet it is still hard to do a shakedown of this invisible baggage. “No one sees it so it must not matter”, and “if I just don’t tell anyone I carry it it wont exist” are common lies I tell myself.
Then I got this job in the mental health field(don’t ask how that happened… I also don’t know…). And, well, you see… I learned that it matters. That it doesn’t go away or not exist just because it is ignored. It became clear to me as I slogged through it with teens who are IN it, going THROUGH it (anyone want some crazy work stories… I got you). I started counseling. Turns out when the light is let in the darkness can’t stay. Keeping all of my shame locked down kept out the light, and allowed the darkness to burrow deep. But even a tiny flame will dispel the darkness. Ultimately darkness is really weak.
The World Race is simply a tool of light in the hands of a very creative, loving God. I long to see what He has to teach me through the unique experiences fostered within this program. Experiences in community, ministry, relationship. Taking me deeper into the wonders of His love, and presenting opportunities to invite others with me into its depths. I am humbled to be a part of this organization, and this trip in particular. As it has been an interesting road to get here(to say the least). It is only because of the grace of God I have made it thus far, and only by His grace shall I carry on.
