Trust me when I say this blog has been a long time coming. I legit have started and erased and edited and deleted it about 10 times now haha. I really just wanted to get this one right. I wanted every word to be truth and genuine and raw. But one thing I DID know what this was supposed to be about: confidence. SO I AM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT HERE YOU GO PEOPLE!!!!
“Lord, you have been pouring out wisdom on me like crazy. You keep bringing me back to confidence. Confidence in Christ. Confidence in your goodness. Confidence even when I haven’t seen you clearly in a while or experienced you in a certain way. I will always come back to this season when I am losing hope because you don’t give up on me when I give up on You.”
This is a piece of something I wrote to the Lord way back on March 10. In the season leading up to this entry, I had been struggling so much with just wanting to hear from the Lord. To know his voice, to walk and talk with Jesus like a friend. I just wanted to know his thoughts about me and know for SURE He was for me and would come through for me. Then all at once, He did speak. All at once, I was surrounded by constant reminders of his faithfulness. And the funny thing about seeing His faithfulness is that it makes you confident. Confident that He is real and alive and working. Confident that He is good. Confident that He will never let you down.
Let me take you back to the night He started opening my eyes. I was sitting in my room and honestly just really frustrated with the Lord. I hadn’t spent a lot of time with Him recently and I was just feeling weighed down and lost and really uneasy about everything. Also, if you didn’t know, I am currently raising oh yenno, just $15,800 for this little thing called World Race: Gap Year and by now, that number was starting to look reeeaaall scary. SO I was sitting on my floor, just basically telling the Lord all the things I was feeling and just basically letting Him have it for letting me feel this way. As Jesus followers we’re never supposed to feel scared or uneasy right??? HAHA yeah no. I’m learning faith starts at fear. If the thing we’re trusting the Lord to do doesn’t scare the mess out of us a little bit, chances are we probably don’t need a lot of faith. And that is honestly a place I don’t want to be in. When we aren’t living in a no-seatbelt-kinda faith, we get comfy. We get ungrateful. We underestimate the Lord. We don’t let Him show us how big He is.
Anyways, I opened up the Word to where I had left off, Psalm 27. I won’t put the whole thing on here because it’s pretty lengthy, but if you don’t know it, PLEASE go read it. Every single verse is filled with so much truth. I’ll leave you with the last two verses of the chapter:
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14)
I basically balled after that. Even when we point our fingers and yell at the Lord, He always answers so sweetly. After this night, I literally started seeing this word EVERYWHERE. Other books, songs, sermons, podcasts, you name it. God was NOT letting me miss this one haha.
I started asking Him, “where does confidence come from though?” And here’s the good news guys: we don’t have to will ourselves to trust Him. It’s not a blind belief. Confidence comes from His faithfulness. And if we’re unsure about that too, all we have to do is ask Him to reveal it to us. I dare you! He actually longs to show us who He is. He wants to come through for us in really big ways. So when we ask the Lord to do that, I just see Him laughing so hard and yelling, “FINALLY!” And then He’ll blow your mind.
Remember that $15,800 I mentioned earlier? The Lord has provided $5,380 of that so far. WHAT!! I could tell countless stories of how I’ve seen generosity from the most unexpected places and times. He is SO good. I am SO sure that I will see the goodness of the Lord through this process. Fundraising is something I’ve learned to love because it literally takes all power and glory away from me and my abilities and gives it to Him. And I get to trust Him more and more every single day because I see his faithfulness more and more every day.
This blog was going to be much more and filled with inspiring stories of the Lord’s faithfulness but instead, I want to challenge you. To pray bold prayers. To ask Him to reveal Himself to you. To try out the no-seatbelt-kinda faith thing. It’s scary as heck, but faith starts at fear. He’ll catch you so many times that You stop being afraid to jump. You’ll be confident.
In love and gratitude,
KT
p.s. Here are some good words for you:
“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”
Isaiah 30:18
Confidence: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
2)the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
