Oftentimes, I sit down to blog and realize I don�t really
have anything to write about. Or at least, I feel like I don�t. But I�m trying
to get in the habit of blogging regularly, and so I keep typing, not knowing
where the blog will go. Today is one of those days, if you can�t tell.
But when I think about it, that�s how life is a lot of the
time. We never really know what�s going to happen. The AIM staff has constantly
emphasized to us that we should have no expectations, because plans can fail
and leave you disappointed.
At the beginning of every month, we get a ministry sheet,
which tells us who we will be doing ministry with, some information about what
we will be doing, where we will be going, etc. Five months into this thing,
only one ministry sheet has been accurate. And that was month one. So really,
we walk blindly into almost every month, prepared to do whatever is asked of
us.
And on a larger scale, that�s how life is. We have plans,
and God has plans. When our plans don�t line up with His, we have to make a
choice. Or we have to ride it out and see where things end up. Like for me. My
plans were to be a dental assistant. My plan for my life had me living in
Nashville, Tennessee right now, living in a nice apartment and driving a nice
car, working a good-paying job. Instead, I am in Moshi, Tanzania, living in a
tent. I haven�t received a paycheck in over 5 months, and won�t for another 6.
Oh, and I�m about to sell my car.
But the incredible thing is, I�m loving it!
Back in August, when we were in Ukraine, I was really trying
to figure out what it meant to surrender my all to God. I felt like I�d given
Him about 95%, all of the small and medium stuff, but the big things, like my
future, I was still holding onto. And so I asked Him to help me to surrender it
all.
One day, a couple of us went down to a beach on the Black
Sea. They had a pretty sketch piece of scaffolding set up, about 25 feet high,
that you could jump off of into the water. I�m very afraid of heights, but I
also am trying to get over that fear, so I knew I had to jump. It took me a
LONG time, about 30 minutes on top of that scaffolding. Towards the end, I had
almost everyone in the water cheering me on. And so I jumped. But in those
moments before I jumped, God spoke something very clearly to me: if I jumped
into that water, I was leaving my fear behind. I was going to trust Him with
the big things. I was going to surrender everything.
It wasn�t until more recently that I�ve begun to notice the
fulfillment of that. This last week, when a group of us went cliff-jumping at a
waterfall by Mt. Kilimanjaro, it only took me about 3 minutes to build up the
courage to jump. Again, God spoke
to me through that experience about the work He is doing in my life, to teach
me to trust Him.
I still have human reactions of fear at uncertainty, but
almost immediately, I will remember that God has my back, that He�s taking care
of me. And so now, as God is beginning to speak to me about my future, I�m
letting Him guide it. I�m trusting Him with the impossible, with the crazy.
Because I know that He is with me. Just as He has been with me every month of
this Race, He will be with me every month after the Race.
And so, I keep walking, no expectations and full of trust.
