“Is your god really God? Is my god really God? I think our god isn’t God if he fits inside our heads.”-As Cities Burn
For a long time, this has been a lyric that I have used to describe how I feel about God. There are a lot of things relating to God that I really just struggle to understand, and I know I’m not alone in that. God is so full of mystery, and we as humans can only comprehend so much of that. Furthermore, when we look at Him through eyes of faith, even more of Him can be understood, meaning there are countless layers of Him waiting to be encountered by us, waiting to be discovered. I know I will not fully understand Him at any point in this life, but I do believe that He is revealing more of Himself bit by bit as I ask Him for more.
With that preface in mind, lets delve into some wild stuff. God heals. We read that in the Bible and have pretty much no trouble believing that. A woman was healed from years of bleeding simply by touching His cloak. Lazarus was dead and he came back to life. Jesus rubbed spit and dirt in a man’s eyes, and suddenly he was able to see again. We believe those stories in the Bible, but there is a disconnect. I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear stories about modern day healing, I want so badly to believe it, but my head struggles to, and my spirit struggles to discern it. My heart knows, so it becomes a battle of heart versus head and spirit.
This week, we had some teaching on healing from a man named Mark Marx. He was basically the pioneer of the worldwide Healing on the Streets movement that began here in Coleraine at his (but really the Spirit’s) leading. There are people all over the world who are being healed of crazy things, and Mark spends his weekends doing training all over the place on this model. Our team was blessed to have him work with us for a few hours over a couple of days. We heard story after story of healing, verse after verse in support of it.
My spirit is so thirsty for more of the Holy Spirit, but I know that you must be discerning with things like this. The church has abused so many people with gifts of the Spirit being used falsely or being toted around like a magic show. My heart so desires to live out only the truth of God, and so as I type this blog out, I honestly am still processing this all. I witnessed things that logically don’t make sense, but they line up so clearly with the Bible. I experienced a group of people whose hearts are for the healing of the sick, and they are seeing God heal people like crazy. Where do I fit into this? What is God calling me to? These questions keep arising.
I just want to share with you all where I am at in this process. The World Race is a place for people who are in process, not people who are perfect. I am in process, and I am still learning. God has placed my team with an incredible church who has been able to feed into us so much, but along with that, so many questions have been brought up. I do not doubt the power of the Holy Spirit to heal. I do not doubt the power of the Holy Spirit to speak deeply to the hearts of people who are hurting. I do not doubt the power of the Holy Spirit to challenge my long-held beliefs. I have been blessed to be placed in such a unique and beautiful place of learning, stretching and growing. I hope it can encourage you to do the same, to ask questions you normally wouldn’t ask. We’re in this together.
This is a process. I am in process.
(This is where my team went for our day off the other day and I am in love. Giants Causeway, Northern Ireland)
