He spoke to me about His dreams for me, for the next year of my life and beyond. I had romanticized ideas of what the year would look like, of daily adventures and radical encounters. He didn't really address those. He just constantly reminded me of His faithfulness and His constant presence in my life. He was preparing me for the things that were sure to come, but I would fail to expect.
Therefore, behold, I will allure her, being her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her. Hoses 2:14
Eight months later, I find myself in a cozy chair in a familiar coffee chain, a taste of home amidst a blur of foreign things. The thoughts of my precious time with God up at Cap come to my mind often. I crave the smell of the sea, the view of my home. I've seen a lot of amazing, gorgeous places this year, but the San Juans will probably always be the most beautiful to me. Something about the evergreens and the islands bring me a calm I can't seem to find anywhere else.
I still spend many of my nights praying and journaling, but things feel different. I've found my solace on the balcony of our hostel. The sounds of Mumbai are near impossible to escape, with roommates and busy roads everywhere, but the balcony is the closest to peaceful I can find. I usually pull out my guitar at some point and sing praises while overlooking a lost city. Sometimes I speak, sometimes I listen. Sometimes God speaks, and always He listens.
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13
I didn't realize how vital those times overlooking the water were. They were a time of really developing an ear to listen for God's voice, and all these months later, that is essential to moving forward everyday. If not for the stillness of His voice, I would be lost in the chaos of my daily life.
And I don't mean that as a complaint for my current circumstances, or as a plea for pity. I actually love where I'm at, and this month will be the hardest to move on from. Nevertheless, I am an introverted internal processor, and as a result I need some sort of privacy and quiet in order to move forward.
All these months later, I find myself again dreaming about what the future holds. I'm three months away from.coming home, and that may sound like a long time, but it really isn't. I'm heading back into a place of uncertainty, of having no 'official' plans. I want to figure everything out, to know where God wants me to to and how I'm gonna get there. And just like before, He isn't telling me what I want to hear, but what I need to hear.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34
He's whispering to my heart of His faithfulness, despite coming uncertainty. "You are like Esther, born for such a time as this!" He says. "Let My peace fill your lungs, and trust Me." Esther was a queen, but she started out as a peasant girl who had to trust God. She had no idea why God's plan involved her being taken from the familiar and placed in the palace. But when it came down to it, she was there for Kingdom business.
I'm not much different from Esther, really. I'm a simple girl from a small town, finding myself in an unfamiliar place with an uncertain future, exactly where God wants me. And so, I continue to trust Him and rest in His presence. After all, that's where I belong!
