I’m surrounded by reminders of the place my heart longs to be. You wouldn’t think I’d see all that many Guatemalan things way up in Northwest Washington, but I assure you they are everywhere.
The most prominent is coffee. Starbuck’s Casi Cielo roast, from Guatemala, was on display everywhere over the last couple of months. It smelled incredible.
But I’ve also found myself wandering through coffee aisles at stores, smelling the different roasts. Many of the names, even aside from those from Guatemala, are familiar. From Costa Rica to Kenya, I can picture the lands that the beans are grown in.
Then there’s the subtle references, the ‘you had to be there’ things that come up. Somebody was talking about grapefruit the other day, and nobody was there to laugh with me, so I laughed to myself. [Happy birthday]
I would be lying if I said this process was easy. It is everything but.
I’m not much of a fundraiser, to be honest. I grew up working hard to provide for myself. I got my first real job at the age of 14, and have been employed ever since, aside from those times I’ve been doing missions work. I partially funded my own World Race. I mostly lived off of my savings all of last year. So even in my ministry, it was mostly something I unknowingly felt like I had earned for myself.
But I think thats one of the biggest things the Lord wants to teach me in this: it can’t be earned. There is no correlation between how hard I work and how much He provides. He doesn’t want more effort on our part. He just wants faithfulness. He wants us to be a people who will do whatever He asks of us.
So here I am, a girl who doesn’t feel comfortable asking people for money, support raising. And by the God’s grace, I’m nearly half-way there. With just 45% more monthly pledges, I can hop on a plane back to my home and my Guate family and my dog.
I believe wholeheartedly that Guatemala is where I’m meant to be serving. The ache I feel deep in my heart just one piece of evidence for that. And I believe my time for going back is coming soon. God’s provision will not delay.
I’m learning, day by day and moment by moment, to trust Him more.
A couple of months ago, somebody asked me what would happen if I didn’t have enough money come in. And I told them confidently that it would come in, that it wasn’t a question to me of ‘if’ but ‘when.’
Further along in the process, my confidence in God’s provision is a lot harder fought for. Its been fought for with tears and sleepless nights. But the confidence has never left me.
Theres little reminders of it everywhere, like hugs and messages from friends. Today, the reminder came in the form of a $250 anonymous donation. There were nearly tears falling on my computer as I checked my support account.
He hasn’t forgotten me.
And so, I’m learning to have patience for the promise.
