Prayer. Whoa. Big ol topic. I will never be able to say enough about prayer. What it is, what it means to me, any of that. BUT. I was asked by my teammate Kimbra to write my next blog on what it means to “Pray without ceasing” as the Bible tells us to do. HA. I cease all the time in my prayers. But I often pray for my team out loud and truly enjoy it (which is something I never thought I’d say). Kimbra recognized that in me and asked me to write a blog about it. So here we go!
At first I didn’t want to write this blog because let’s be real, I’m never that jazzed about writing blogs. BUT as he often does, Jesus gave me some insight into that as well as Kimbra’s heart behind asking me to do this and now I really want to write this one. I want to write it because I know a lot of people who read my blogs don’t pray and the whole concept of it might seem weird, uncomfortable, and/or ineffective. At least, those were my sentiments a couple of years ago. It was extremely uncomfortable for me to receive prayers from others because I didn’t understand the weight or meaning behind it. I struggle in general with receiving words of affirmation, especially when the words are spoken over me to a God I didn’t know. I didn’t understand who was supposedly hearing these prayers and it made the whole effort feel like a fruitless task. Even once I became a Christian I hate-hate-hated praying out loud for others. There was so much fear of judgement and that I probably wasn’t doing it right and that I had to have all the right words so that the Lord would honor what I was asking of him. Which thankfully is so inaccurate. Some of my favorite prayer memories are when I had absolutely no brain capacity to make my words pretty. When all I could do was cry or scream or laugh or just talk to god in the way I talk with my best friends because that’s who he is. He knows me and my messy soul better than I ever will and I hate that I held that expectation of “praying good prayers” over myself for so long. I’m not sure where this will go, but I’m about to type a prayer *WITHOUT* ceasing (or editing, rewording, or making things pretty) and see what happens. That’s still kind of terrifying for me because writing things down always makes them feel weightier. Alas, I trust the Holy Spirit and I know that he will use me to speak what needs to be spoken.
Father God thank you for who you are. Thank you for loving me the way you do. For loving me so recklessly and so deeply and so persistently. Thank you for giving me the blessing that this day was. Thank you for each of the sisters you have gifted me to spend this trip with. Thank you for their constant pursuance of my own heart as well as yours. They encourage me. They inspire me. They point me towards you. They remind me who you are when I forget. They walk humbly towards you and me and I learn everyday from them. God I ask that you would continue growing us as sisters, that you would bring us closer to you and to each other than we ever thought possible. I ask that you would give us health, keep us safe, protect our buses, our planes, our taxis, our food, the air we breathe, the pilots who fly our planes, the drivers who drive our buses. God thank you for keeping us safe. Thank you for giving me air and water and a hamburger today. Thank you for the sun that dried my very wet clothes. LORDDDDDD you are so good and I want so much more of you. I want to look at you in awe the way David does in the Psalms. To look at the earth, your creation, and just see how mighty and beautiful you are and how you created it with such intention. I pray that you would use me in that world. God use me and take me and drag me kicking and screaming if you have to but God use me for your kingdom. Help me to help others. Help me to see them the way you do and serve them the way Jesus did. To feed and clothe and wash and serve and love. Lord I want that. I want what you want but I need your help. I need your guidance and counsel. I need you to give me the faith that you can and did and will move a mountain. That I lack no good thing when I have you. So often I feel like I’m lacking. I look around each day and feel limited and like I don’t have what I need. I lack the clothes I want to wear, the food I’d rather eat, cold water instead of very very warm water. I have bug bites and I didn’t used to have bug bites. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get another hair cut. I am worried my tennis shoes will fall apart and I won’t be able to find new ones to replace them. I worry about my family back home. That they need me and miss me and I’m not there. That I could somehow comfort them better from Austin than I can from South America. I’m worried that I still haven’t chosen a career. That I still feel like I’m 20 years old and don’t have to have anything figured out yet. I’m worried because I won’t have health insurance when I get home. I’m worried all my friends have forgotten about me even though I know they haven’t. I miss them and want just a day with them. If I could have just a day with them every couple months how great would that be! Surely I wouldn’t feel like I’d be lacking then. But no. You are the comfort. You are who calls me. You are the provider and you fight for me and go before me. I give you these worries. The little ones and the big ones and everything in between. Heal my bug bites, keep my shoes together, keep me hydrated, give me sunshine. You have been so faithful these past three months and I am still so alive and so healthy and so truly happy. You continue to teach me and grow me and stretch me and I love it because that’s what Ive been asking you for. I’ve begged for it. You heard me and listened and reminded me that you’re my father and I’m your daughter and a father takes care of his daughter. He loves her and teaches her and hugs her and worries about her and fights for her. Lord thank you for being the perfect dad. I pray that the whole world would know this perfect love. That there would not be a doubt about who you truly are and how much you love your world. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. For the joy and laughter and tears and love that you gift me with and share with me. I love you. Amen y amen y AMENNNNNNNN
WAIT. I forgot. ANOTHER PRAYER REQUEST. A big one. I pray that you would provide donations for me to finish this trip. I admit that my faith is small and I can’t see how you’re going to do it. I don’t even know how you got me this far, $13,000 in and I still forget how faithful you are. Please provide funds for this trip so I can continue seeking your earth and serving your people and following you to where you’ve called me. Deepen my faith to know that you will not leave me hanging. You will provide for your daughter. You will do all things in your time and I will wait expectantly and patiently on you and your movement. Lord you know all things and I so badly want to be done fundraising and to know that task is DONE. I haven’t even consistently asked and you took care of it. WHY IS IT SO EASY TO FORGET?? Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for giving me special people in my life who care about me and this world and so freely give of themselves. I ask that you’d bless them and give them favor in anything they ask of you. God that you would make yourself known to them and that they would know your goodness, that you truly are better than the best thing this world has. Lord you are so good. Good good good. Thank you for calling me here and for getting me here. Thank you for allowing me to focus on my tasks here and not get distracted by the task of fundraising. Teach me to humble myself in asking and to be thankful in everything I receive, and especially when I don’t receive. Thank you lord. I pray these words and all others to you in your mighty name. Amen.
Y’all. That felt so awkward. I can’t type as fast as I can talk. And it feels weird and vulnerable but also good to let those things out into the world. Prayer truly is so special and meaningful. Please let me know if you’d like to be prayed for. It doesn’t have to be super long or anything. He accepts any and all petitions. He’s so cool.
