Almost a month into the race, I’ve started to realize what God has truly called me to. I’ve realized that 9 months is a long time, and this is gonna be a long and hard 9 months. But I’ve taken a step back and remembered that in the grand scheme of things, this is just a short speck of my life.
On the race I’ll feel all the emotions and all the feelings. I’ll have hard days and hopefully some of the best days of my life. They’ll be days that I’ll feel lonely and sad, but moments where I feel loved and wanted. Some feelings will come more then the rest, but that is when you learn to lean on Christ and not other people or myself. Recently, I’ve been feeling more lonely then I have in a long time. I’m feeling uncomfortable around 50 new people and trying to feel known, but community can be hard. Even a team of 6 is hard. I’m learning about communication and what it means to speak out about what you are feeling. I’m learning that you have to let people in and reach out instead of always wanting people to reach out to you. My team is not always going to know if I’m not feeling okay. It’s not their responsibility to reach out to me, but my responsibility to communicate with them.
Even when people fail us, God never does. He never lets us down and we can always lean on him. When I’m lonely, I can’t depend on people but I can depend on Christ. I know that his love is for me. That he is a father to the fatherless and he loves me through my loneliness and pain.
