Throughout my life, I struggled with worth and identity. There were times that I didn’t feel good enough, or smart enough or pretty enough. I saw myself as broken. I struggled to believe people when they said that they loved me. I didn’t feel that I had enough worth for people to love and appreciate me. I was sad and lonely. But the Lord was at work in my life. He has specifically placed so many people in my life to speak truth into me and call out the lies from the enemy.
The truth is that our worth comes from our Maker and Creator. He is the only one that can determine our worth. Our worth doesn’t change based on our behavior and feelings. There is nothing we can do to make us more or less valuable to God. He made us and HE is the only one to determine our worth. Sometimes I may not feel valuable. But I know that I am and I have to choose to believe it!!
Romans 8:17: “For if we are his children, now we are heirs, heirs of God and coheirs with Christ.”
One of the ministries we do for women is Beauty for Ashes. Beauty for Ashes is a program for women to bring hope and healing. One of the activities was about self-worth, using a 5-dollar bill. I resonated with the lesson and have since incorporated it into my testimony.
Think of a brand new, crisp and clean 5-dollar bill. Do you want it? Of course! Now fold it. Crumble it into a ball. Step on it. Now it’s wrinkled and dirty. Would you still want the 5-dollar bill? Yes, it is still 5 dollars that I didn’t have before!
Even though it’s dirty and a mess, it still has value. Even though we feel dirty and broken sometimes, we are still of value. This money still has the same worth as it did at the beginning. It has not lost its value. Just like this dollar, I’ve had times when I felt stepped on and crumpled up. God still sees me with worth. God still sees you with worth. He sees me as clean and brand new because He sent his Son to die for us. Jesus has made me new and has given me value. I was created by God, as a reflection of Him.
Genesis 1:27: “God created mankind in His own image.”
My first month of the race was in India. Our ministry was focused on church planting, which meant preaching in a different house every night. It was a hard month where I had to battle lies of inadequacy and thoughts of comparison. I didn’t feel worthy of being on a team with these amazing people. The Lord worked on me so much that month as my team and I fought through my fear and replaced all the lies with Truth. Through that I learned more about who I was and became more confident in my identity. I wrote a blog about it that month: Conquering One of My Fears in India.
Well, here we are in Rwanda in month 7 of my race. Our ministry consists of us preaching at the church every night of the week and twice on Sundays! When I found out that my month meant I had to preach again, I immediately felt the nerves kick in. Now it was time for me to prove to myself how much I have grown. I began thinking about how far I have come from month 1 in India. I no longer felt that I was inadequate or not good enough to preach. I surprised myself by not comparing my preaching style to others. I still get nervous and its not my favorite thing in the world, but I am proud of myself for stepping out! As I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, He has taught me more about my character, which is a reflection of His character. I recognize that I have authority and can walk in that authority knowing that I am filled with the Holy Spirit. I could preach with more confidence in what I had to say because I know my worth and that my words hold power! I never would have thought that I would be giving sermons around the world, yet here I am, preaching the Word to the people at Awakening Healing Church in Rwanda. Wowza.
I have 4 ½ more months left…who knows what could happen!! Thanks for all of the prayers, texts, emails and comments. Knowing I have an amazing community back at home supporting me is the best feeling in the world!
My parents come on SUNDAY!! I cannot wait!!
