Okay, little story time. Or big story time I guess.
I keep trying to figure out how to write this, so I’m just going to get right into it. No profound words or trying to sound all professional. I’m just going to tell the story how it is and how the Lord prompts me to.
I shaved my head.
(and it wasn’t because of the lice, I promise)
There are 3 girls, sisters, at our ministry. They are such energetic, little balls of joy and love and they love on us endlessly. I got really close to the youngest, Samantha, within the first two weeks of ministry. All three of them were actually the ones who gave us lice, at least we assume since they had it and we were always cuddling and loving them. After we got back from debrief, they didn’t come to the ministry for about a week and a half. We asked our host where they were at and she said they were treating their heads for lice.
This Tuesday, they came back! We were all so excited to see them, we were eating lunch and ran out to greet them with huge hugs. All three of them were wearing beanies that covered their whole heads and we could tell that they had shaved their heads. They seemed a little down but slowly got more comfortable as time went on.
I was watching the kids on the trampoline to make sure that they were safe, and I kept smiling as I watched Samantha jumping up and down with a big smile on her face. I love seeing such joy come from these children. One second, they were all having a good time jumping up and down and playing, and the next moment everything stopped. One of the boys had pulled off Samantha’s beanie and everyone stopped and started laughing. She grabbed her beanie back, pulled it all the way over her face, shrunk down and froze, and started bawling. Her sister, Ester, went in and grabbed her and brought her out of the trampoline. As Ester went to grab their other sister, I held onto Samantha.
((So quick cultural thing that will put this in perspective: most of us in the States might think that something like that happening to someone would be embarrassing. In Costa Rica, they take cleanliness very very seriously. Everyone showers every morning and will even get an excused absence from work or school if they don’t have access to a shower for a day or two. So having lice and shaving your head is even harder here.))
As I held onto Samantha and she was bawling on my shoulder, I closed my eyes and prayed. Just a quick little “Lord please help this girl” kind of prayer. But man oh man did He speak through this. As I held this distraught girl, God spoke the verse Matthew 25:40 over me. It says “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” He said, “Whatever happens to these girls happens to me too. Katie, you have a part of me in you, so don’t disregard the ache you feel for these girls because that is the Holy Spirit moving in you.”
**I’ve never really heard the voice of the Lord before, and when He speaks, it’s not a booming kind of deep voice. It’s in your own voice; your pitch, your tone, how you would speak. But it’s something you normally wouldn’t say or think; something that is Biblically based and truly from the Lord. It startled me, but not as much in the moment as when I was processing it later.**
The three girls went to a dark room in the back after that. Brittany and I went into the room where we put our backpacks and comforted each other. We prayed for the girls and prayed for a way for the Lord to show them that they are truly children of the Lord and made in His image and likeness. You know what it means to be made in someone’s likeness? They would say that about children in the Bible. (example: Seth was made in the likeness of Adam in early Genesis) God saying that He makes us in His likeness is Him directly calling us His children and saying that we are created to look like and be like Him. So we prayed for those girls to see that.
And God spoke again. He put the idea of shaving my own head in my head and oh gosh I really wasn’t sure at first. I doubted and doubted. What if this was some kind of weird way that I was seeking attention? Was I seeking this out of selfish ambition? Did I have enough Biblical base to back this up? Everything that could change my mind came into my head.
But God doesn’t change His mind.
He doesn’t change His mind about you or I. He doesn’t change His mind and one day say that He doesn’t want you anymore; He continually pursues us and seeks and wants the best for us.
So I kept praying. I prayed that He would take away any doubts if it was His will. That I would not seek any kind of self-praise or anything out of selfish ambition and that He would give me clarity.
He kept saying go. Even in the midst of the doubts.
Friday I took the day and fasted and dove deep into talking to Him and diving into the Word. At the end of the day, I talked to my tender teammate Abby and she asked how I was feeling. As I was explaining to her the doubts, I realized that I was trying to find more of a reason to shave my head. I didn’t need more of a reason; God said yes, He said to love.
Step out into boldness and continue to say “yes” to the Lord.
Something that has been spoken over me a lot the past month and a half.
So Friday night, around 10pm after everyone else had gone to bed, my team and I went on the front porch and shaved my head. This group of girls (and Kevin) are such a light of the Lord. They put their hands on me and prayed over me and the girls before we did it, and praised the Lord the entire time (even when we had to be quiet because, technically, we were supposed to be in bed).
I don’t regret it at all. I feel more free and alive than ever (and that’s not just because I can literally feel the breeze on my head, which is amazing btw). I feel like I’ve been able to step fully into faith. Oh man, the freedom you get when you allow the Lord in and let Him work in your heart and your life.
Now I have a daily reminder that I am a child of God; that I am made in His likeness. I have a daily reminder that those kids are my sisters in Christ. Every time I touch my head or get a head massage from a squad mate, I am reminded of the freedom He gives us when we obey and the worth we have in His eyes.
I also have a daily reminder to allow the Lord in and work through me. The Holy Spirit is in all of us, we just need to open our hearts and allow Him to work through us. Feel the hurt He feels and rejoice in the joy He brings.
What a freedom it is to allow the Lord in and embrace His presence.
