You’re probably expecting a blog post detailing training camp, more information about my team or maybe even about our upcoming flights. But instead, I need to let you all know that I made the decision not to go on the World Race. At least not this season.
I’ve had doubts and concerns about this trip for weeks before but I pushed them aside and focused on packing and getting ready to go. Then when I got to Training Camp those doubts and concerns came back up big time and I couldn’t shake them. It was very difficult to really dive into all that training camp had to offer. I confessed my fears and anxieties about the trip to my leader and through some long talks with my parents, friends, my leaders and some other World Race staff the decision was made that this season of spring 2019 was not the right time for me to go on the race.
This decision has not been made lightly. I felt very wrong like I was messing up all the plans. God had provided all that I needed so far. He’d brought me so far so why would He stop now? Why would He let me get so close to this trip, literally within days of leaving the country only for Him to tell me “not yet”? I didn’t understand it. But I heard a steady voice saying, “not yet, but your time is coming.”
Fully trusting the Lord with everything is very difficult to do. Living your life the way Jesus did is exciting, frustrating, overwhelming, difficult and amazing all at the same time. I realized that I was clinging to this idea of missions, of leaving my home for 3 months to serve. I was clinging so tightly that I was unable to really listen to the Lord. I was so focused on this plan that I had made that I completely shut out any other guidance from the Holy Spirit. I didn’t want to admit that my anxieties and uneasiness were real things to take notice of. I wanted them to be just nerves, the same nerves that everyone else probably has. But they weren’t.
Taking a step back to realize the Lord was telling me to go back home and not go was difficult. I know there are going to be long hard days ahead. But I know this too, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6” My own understanding was to go on the World Race, ignore my fears and doubts, go through the motions of the race and then come home and move on. But God wants me to trust Him fully, even if that means letting go of my plans and expectations.
This is without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I know I’m saying goodbye to the idea of the race right now, for this season, but that doesn’t mean God is shutting the door on a future opportunity for the Race. Right now, in this season, I’m going to trust Jesus and let Him guide me and my days. I’ll be staying in contact with my World Race advisor and when the time is right for me to go on a future race, a portion of the financial support God has raised up for my Africa trip will go towards that trip.
To everyone who has been praying for me as I prepared to go, I want to thank you. As I enter this next season of processing and working through the areas of my life the Lord has called attention to, I would very much appreciate your continued prayers.
Thank you to everyone, all my friends and family for your support, and to my team, Andrew, Hanna, Tyler, Drew, Bree, Hallie, Carlee, Bailey, Mikayla, Sarah, and Ellen, thank you for your support as well. I loved getting to meet you all and cannot wait to see the things you do for God’s kingdom.
