Let me just start by praising the Lord for His faithfulness! This month in Jamaica was really tough for me. I walked through a variety of different trials that I did not expect to face and the enemy was using my frustration to fuel the fire. Yet, when I thought I had no more strength left the Lord continued to pick me up and carry me. Going into this month as a new team leader, I knew I was going to find a new reliance in my relationship with the Lord and I did! However, it was not how I anticipated. I realized a lot about myself and my past that I was holding on to and needed to let go of. One specific characteristic that I am learning to give to God is my desire for control. As an individual and especially as a leader I have always had an overwhelming need to control and micromanage everything in my life. As I’ve been growing in my relationship with the Lord I’ve realized this is not a healthy way to live at all. In fact, it is very prideful. If I always have expectations that I’m going to be able to control myself, my circumstances, my environment, and the people in it, then I am sure to fail miserably. I am setting myself up to be very disappointed and frustrated and this is how I have been living my life for the past 10 years. So it’s no wonder why I often have a spirit of frustration and confusion. This month the Lord has taught me to let go of this desire for control and instead let the Lord fight my battles for me. Though my environment and circumstances are always changing the one thing that never changes is our Heavenly Father. I am learning to constantly turn my attention to the Lord especially in times of conflict or frustration. Because at the end of the day the only thing I can really control is how I respond to the change and how I react when things don’t go as planned. I am seeing things in a new light and I thank the Lord for revealing this truth to me. I thank Him for always being steadfast in my life and carrying me in my weakness. Thank you Lord for being the same today, yesterday, tomorrow, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). You are the one I can always count on. Even when it seems like everything around me is falling apart, I trust in your provision.
“Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. “Isaiah 40:28
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10
A prayer from my journal:
Lord I praise you today with thankfulness in my heart. Thank you for being with me always and carrying me through the trials. Even when I feel lost and weak you are still with me. Your love and strength is steadfast. It does not grow weary even when I can’t necessarily feel your presence. I know you are here with me always. I thank you for teaching me more about who you are as our Savior while I go through difficult times. Even if I don’t see the lesson in the moment, I am thankful looking back at all you have carried me through and what you are teaching me. I pray that you would continue to give me patience, direction, and discipline. I pray that I would become better at hearing and responding in obedience to your Spirit. Thank you God for being constant.
