“Ya don’t even know.”
My season in the wilderness was a place filled with unknowns – but it was a land of great purpose. I’m walking out of the wilderness like a warrior princess.
“This is the place where peoples wilderness mentalities, the negative mindsets that developed while in captivity, would be exposed – all their wrong thoughts, attitudes, longings, and habits, all of their doubt, fear, unbelief, emptiness, and unforgiveness. But it is also the place where God strengthens their hearts and souls. It was where He transforms their minds so that they would no longer think like defeated slaves but like victorious free people.” Christine Caine
Daily my internal settings are being recalibrated to look more like Gods warrior princess instead of a slave to fear.
Sure, God loves us so much that sometimes He chooses to heal anything in a moment. He’s done that in me and it’s been great and all but He also loves to love us so much that sometimes He wants to take your hand and go for a walk. He takes His time and shows you more than you can imagine along the way. He wants a rich history with me.
You have no idea. You have no idea what it means that you, on the other side of the world, have stuck by me. You have no idea what it means that you haven’t given up on me. You have no idea what it means that you haven’t forgotten about me. You have no idea what it means that you haven’t held this blog over my head. You have no idea what it means that you have let me. Let me be. Let me learn. Let me grow. Let me change. Let me think. Let me talk in circles. You don’t even know.
I can’t believe I am half way through the year. I was clearly aware this journey would take me to new places but so unaware of the reality of the new place I would find in myself. The old I can’t remember and the new I don’t quite know yet. 7 countries later and I sit here a new human not able to fathom the woman I will see in the mirror 6 months from now. Im sorry that I have left you hanging since Indonesia but when it comes to blogging my mind spins faster then the moon. My mind races of alllll the things. Moments, desperation, pain, people, thoughts, dreams, visions, freedom! I so desperately want to share. I don’t want to share only one thought or one beautiful moment. I begin to panic as I realize I don’t want to sit here for hours to share an hour of my life with the fear of missing out on what He has for me or a new friend. Fear of not clearly portraying my life. I yearn to sit across from each one of you or walk around this city sharing my imploding heart with you. You see some days every hour is “blog worthy” other days that don’t seem “wild enough” to mention in a blog my thoughts alone could be a novel. If you know me at all then you are more then aware that I am a wildly obvious VERBAL PROCESSOR. The verbalest processor of alllllll time. For your sake I’m sorry that I wont say sorry for the pressure cooker the Father has had me in. That He is growing me at a rapid pace. That I can’t type as fast as my thoughts wisp by in the wind. 😉 I won’t apologize because its the highest stoke I’ve had in my life and I love it!!
At this point its month 6 and I need – DESIRE to invite you into this thing with me. I desperately want you a part of all of it as far from the truth as that may seem. So give me grace as I give this blog thing a shot. Each day my heart changes at a wild pace. So I am just going to do the best I can. For the record I want more then anything to sit down with you and tell you every thought but hold your horses. 6 more months.
For now. Try to follow my thought process. Love me where im at. Pray for the visions He has given me and join me in seeing, healing and walking in freedom.
Here it comes.
Your girl. Kate. Free.
