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  “How can I do this?” I ask as I open the door to Doubt.

“Can I do this?” Thoughts start to attack my conscience. “My words are never articulated correctly and my actions need to be censored religiously… I need feel right…eat right… breathe right… DO IT RIGHT KATIE!” Anxiety sweels and I feel punches deep in my soul. I break for air. “Don’t mess this up. You are the one that gets in the way of everything.” I feel the attacks get stronger. “You know you can’t do this. You can’t raise support… you can’t leave… you’re NOT going. You’re in over your head.” Its a little harsher than last time. I wrestle a little more. Punch after punch, blow after blow, I feel myself getting weaker and start believing the accusations. I feel defeated… and start to cry. Where is this coming from?

I come to my senses… I need to think of a verse. “….be brave…be bold… for the Lord your God is with you” I strike back. I feel myself saying “AH HA!” In a victorious tone. I open my bible hoping something will come to me. Franticly searching the many pages I read Psalm 77. I take comfort in remembering God’s help from my past. I start blocking negative punches. I thought of David. David didn’t always do it the right way, but God always came through. David was a man after Gods heart… Just like me.

Doubt takes a low blow to the inside “This is not about him… this is about you” The air escapes from my lungs and I plunge face first into what seems like hell. Defenses are down… And I can’t get back up. I need help.

I think of people who are praying for me. My retaliation begins with Sarah, Nichole and Eleanor… with them I look into the face of Doubt. I feel the spiritual sweat as I bounce back into a fighting stance. Joel, Jean and Rogita… punch, one, two, THREE! My heart cries out “THAT’S RIGHT, I KNOW PEOPLE!” Veronica, Cindy and Cardello… I feel confidence with each swing.

I take hold of Gods promise… as I recite “I am fearfully and wonderfully made!” I feel as smile curve onto my lips. “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength” It’s a punch the lays Doubt out flat. He’s not dead, just defeated. I remember Gods purpose for me… I take comfort in knowing He never gives me more than I can handle.

I slowly and exhaustedly walk out the door to Doubt and into the hallway of life. I look around at all the others doors and I ask God, “What door is next?

I am willing, send me.