“When I can’t sleep it usually means God has something to tell me,” is a quote by me quite a few blogs back. As some of you may know have been suffering from insomnia for almost 3 months. Tonight lying in bed waiting for sleep to wash over me, it finally clicked… it’s not insomnia. These three months I believe God has been trying to tell me something. After 3 months of complete restlessness my revelation hits.
I’m told that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, and I am in desperate need of recovery.
Somewhere along this LONG road to missions I gave up. I decided that the work to get there was too hard… and I couldn’t do it. I told God that if He wanted me to go (anywhere) He was going to have to provide the way because I don’t know how to follow through with anything. I may not have realized I said it… but I did.
I gave up. I don’t know if I have ever really fought for anything. I would use the term “spoiled,” personally. Looking back through my life I can see the pattern. Every time things got just a little rough I ignored the problem until me or the other party gave up. I know that God never gives up… that leaves me with blame.
When at training my coaches told me that I was going to break through the battles I had been facing that year. I truly believe that… and the breakthrough starts with admitting. If there ever needed to be a reason as to why I went to training in October, those words from them are as good enough as any.
Please be praying for me, motivation has never come easy for me. This missions trip has brought me face to face with the worst of me. Pray that I continue to grow… and change… and fight for who God has called me to be.
