I leave for The World Race in a little over 4 months. Let me rephrase…. In 4 MONTHS, I’m leaving the country for 9 MONTHS!!! What in the world was I thinking, right? I still have about $11,000 to raise.. that’s so scary that it’s almost laughable… sort of. My mind is going a little mad. I’ve had a lot of people ask me upon learning about what I’m doing how I’m feeling, if I’m excited, and just my thoughts overall. So, naturally I decided to write a blog containing just a few of the thoughts that run through my head as I prepare for the race… here they are. 🙂
“I can’t figure out why God called me to this trip. This is not ideal. I should be preparing for my sophomore year of college and trying to pick a major. Instead, I’m preparing to leave home for 9 months and trying to figure out how to raise $13,800.”
“Surely there’s someone out there better-equipped for this.”
“What am I going to do when I come back home next May? Am I going to seminary? Am I going to travel more? I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA.”
“I do not need this cosmic brownie.
I’m going to eat it anyway.”
“I am so undeserving of God’s sweet grace. I choose to disobey Him. I choose to turn away from Him. I choose to break His heart with my sin. Yet, He chooses me again and again. Every day His mercies are new. Lamentations 3:22-23”
“How am I going to live out of a backpack for 9 months? I’m just gonna wing-it.”
“I wish I had words to describe Jesus. But if I had words to explain Him and all His power, He would not be Jesus.”
“$13,800!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY, LORD????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?”
“I’m about to spend 3 months in 3 incredible countries and tell a bunch of people about the one who saved me………. how awesome is that?”
“Hold on…. I have to go how long without Chick-fil-a?? Okay… I’m going to go pray about that really quick.”
“I am not capable of such thing as this. I’m humbled at the fact that God wants me to go on such an incredible journey that He could accomplish on His own.”
“I need a nap.”
“Lord, can’t I just stay here, meet my husband, and start a safe-happy life where I’m at?”
“I can’t grasp this. I can’t grasp Jesus. I can’t understand His plan. But, I KNOW that He’s good. I am not called to safety. This is for the sake of the kingdom. This is not about me.”
“……..$13,800……………………………………”
“This is crazy. This was not the life I had in mind. I’m overwhelmed with how incapable I am. But I’m more overwhelmed with how ABLE He is. Lord, consume my thoughts, my doubts. Consume my life, my ways. Oh, Lord, consume my heart, consume ME.”
These are just some of the thoughts that I wrestle with daily. I am quick to stress. Quick to worry. But I look at who my Father is and I know that He is all I have to live for. Everything else is weak and fragile. If I am in God’s will, I am in the safest place of all. I could stay home. Get a degree, a house, a husband. But, what good is all of that if I know that I’m not striving to further God’s kingdom? My life IS His kingdom.
This is crazy… leaving all I know for 9 months… it’s scary, painful, exciting, scary, and really, REALLY scary. But I know it’ll be worth it.
Jesus is worth it.
P.S —–
Please, please be praying for me and my team as we prepare for the calling God has placed on our hearts. I know I’m not the only future world racer feeling anxious, so keep us in mind.
ALSO, I WOULD LOVE if you shared this post anywhere and everywhere! And, like I said, I still have about $11,000 to raise, so IF you feel lead, please consider supporting me financially. To do that, click on the orange “SUPPORT ME” button at the top of my blog page and it will walk you through how to donate. If you would rather write a check, please get in touch with me so I can tell you the best way to do that.
THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT!
