I’m sitting at our mini debrief, on my bed, with nothing but thoughts racing through my mind. Reflection of this month, excitement for this next month, and thoughts on the future. I am entering month 10 and I honesty don’t know what to do with myself. I’m finally having realizations that this is all ending soon and we are going back to America in 7 weeks. What? How is this happening so quickly?
For most of my race I’ve spent a lot of time wishing to be home, wanting the comforts of America, and for the race to be over so I could ‘start my life’. Well, The Lord has spoken to me a lot about this over the last few weeks and I want to share it with you all.
First thing, the world race is not some foreign atmosphere or world I’m put in to remove me from all reality. The reality is, this journey had prepared me for my future and for everything The Lord has called me to do with my life. This IS my life, though it looks different than the life I’ve always lived. I can’t be fooling myself to think that my ‘real life’ starts when I get home. This is my real life and I’m living it with people who have inspired me and grown me more than I could have ever imagined. Second, I am coming home in 7 weeks whether I like it or not. It is hard to admit this to people back home because I figure they won’t ever understand, but I don’t want to go home. I’m scared. I’m afraid that nothing will be the same. I’m afraid of not having a community that lives radically for Jesus and the gospel. I’m afraid of not being pushed and challenged the way I am here. I’m afraid of fake, surface level relationships and conversations. I’m afraid of not being able to worship the way I do with these people- freely and boldly. I’m afraid of being misunderstood.
I am going home to a place where I will live like the real Katie for the first time in my life and that excites me, but people at home haven’t met her yet. This all being said, I would like to ask a few things from you all back home. Please don’t ask me to summarize this last year of my life for you, because it’s impossible. As I still have weeks left here, it’s hard enough to stay present. Please don’t ask me to tell you everything I went through and all the stories I have from this year. Please don’t expect me to dive back into the things I used to do at home, because I’m so very different than the person who left for the race. Please be patient with me. I will share things with you all, but I’m sure it will take time. I want you all to know how much it means to me that you have followed this journey of mine this far and the encouragement I’ve received has been incredible. I thank God for everything he has done and continues to do in my life. I also thank you guys for reading my blogs about what I’m feeling and going through. It means so much.
Tons of love,
Katie
