If I’m being honest, lately I have been struggling daily with believing my true identity in Christ. I know what he says about me and what he has done in my life, but most of the time I revert into thinking about the Katie I was for 22 years and find it hard that Christ can and has truly changed everything about who I am. Take squad leading for example. These people didn’t know the Katie before they met me at training camp 3 months ago, they know who I am now and don’t have my past to judge or compare me to. When they say truths about who I am in The Lord I believe them to an extent, but then something takes me back to a place where I used to be when people would tell me otherwise. People from my past. People who don’t yet know this Katie.
I just recently came to the conclusion that people’s words from my past are still affecting the life I live today, which is actually preventing me from living in my true self. Even though so much has changed about my identity just by walking alongside Him each day, the things I’ve heard my whole life still creep into my thoughts and become my truth sometimes. They are lies, I know that. But somehow they still have woven themselves deeply into my heart and core being of who I am. People from my life have shaped how I view myself because of the words they have told me, because of the things I have told myself.
It’s actually hard to admit this because I’m talking about people who I love so dearly and who care so deeply about me. Nonetheless they have shaped how I believe myself to be. Even when I got back from the race in May, people still compared me to the Katie I was before I left for 11 months and that hurt because in my heart I knew that person had died and suddenly I felt unsafe all over again.
But why? Why can I be so confident in who God says I am, while still believing lies that have been carried with me my whole life? Lies saying I’m selfish, prideful, inconsiderate, a passive listener, judgmental, comparing, unworthy, unloved, etc. It’s because my worth my entire life has been from people. From words. They have crafted who I am, but I am finished listening to them because they are NOT true anymore. I know I am selfless, loving, loved, worthy, patient, giving, active in listening, humble and all the other things The Lord has placed upon my identity.
It’s not fair that people in our lives shape how we feel about ourselves, but I’m done giving the enemy power in that way and I reclaim who I was created to be in Jesus Christ. Today I declare the truths over my life again and refuse to allow myself to waste the precious time on this earth he has given me, to believe things that are no longer true. The bible also says in Matthew 13:57 that “a prophet is not without honor except in his own town and his own home.” This unfortunately, has been very true in my life but God also said we would be persecuted if we follow him. I shouldn’t care what people at home have said about me, the only thing that matters is the me I am today. The me I want you all to get to know. The real me.
The Lord is teaching me so much about grace these days, and he says to have grace for those who don’t understand. For those who haven’t been on this journey with me to see who he has crafted me to be. So I encourage whoever is reading this, to seek your identity from the Lord and only from Him. He is the only one who matters, the only one who truly knows our hearts. I can truly say and believe that I was made flawless by the cross. Thank you Jesus.
I am also still fundraising in order to stay here on the field with my squad. I need about $1,000 more to be fully funded and able to stay this whole time with them! Please consider donating and let me know if you have any questions!
Best,
Katie
