Growing up I was quiet in school and I guess you could say a bit socially awkward (ish). We’ve all been through the awkward and nerdy stage, and well, that was most of my life I would say. I became ‘saved’ at a young age and was that innocent Christian girl to everyone, but that wasn’t the reputation I wanted. Any time a conversation about God would come up, I would become very quiet and reserved because I wasn’t knowledgeable enough to make statements about the bible or Christ himself. I would brush off the topic and derail to another subject.
I grew up going to church every Sunday. Junior high, high school, youth groups, you name it. I even joined the junior high choir at one point, and anyone who knows me knows that I definitely was not gifted in the singing department. After going through my entire junior high and high school career very casually, I decided to take some time away from the church to ‘do my own thing.’ Personal life got in the way and became too much to handle at one point. I felt that I was bigger than the God I knew, and that I didn’t need church and everything that it entailed. I was disappointed in God and questioned His love for me. I questioned why things happened the way they did, and whether or not this God was the real deal. I was in a weird stage of disbelief and confusion. I went through the last few years of high school dreading going to Sunday service because I lost interest in all of it.
After not going to church youth groups for about two years, a friend invited me to the college group at our church while I was in my last semester of my senior year. I didn’t want to go. I had no desire to dive back into the Christian thing, but somehow I ended up there that night.
That night changed my life forever, and God placed me in that room for a reason. I was so lost and so broken. He knew it all. He knew my pain when I wasn’t even sure if he was listening to me anymore. He knew my heart and how empty it was. He brought me hope in the most overwhelming way. His word spoke through the pastor and pierced my heart so deeply.
I felt His love.
To this day I do not remember the exact sermon, the specific worship songs, or most of the people I met that night, but I remember being so broken in the best way possible. I realized that I needed a savior, and that savior was Jesus Christ. I realized that I had to stop living for the world and the appeasements of others.
I needed Jesus as my Savior and Lord.
Minutes into the message I was in tears. I had never experienced so much understanding of God and His love for His children. From that point on I gave my life and heart to Jesus and it’s been the best and most amazing decision I have and will ever make. I finally understood what it meant to have a heart change, and a desire for our heavenly father.
I wanted a relationship with Him.
Fast forward four years and here I am today, more in love with the Lord than I could have ever imagined. By Him I am blessed. I am so grateful for the hardships and valleys he has put me through because that is where I found my faith and trust in Him alone. God is always there and He will never desert me, and by that I am humbled. He has given me the courage and strength to stand up for His name and His word each and every day. I desire His desires. I no longer deny those conversations about God but crave them with both believers and unbelievers. I now understand what it means to love God and love his people.
Being a Christian we get the question, “what is your spiritual gift?” all the time. For the longest time I would tell people that I wasn’t sure what my gift was, or if I even had a gift at all. It wasn’t until my heart change towards Christ and becoming in a personal relationship with Him where I discovered my gift of loving people.
God is love, and His love is unconditional. I experience God’s love each and every day. I am so undeserving of his mercy and grace, yet he is never failing. Over the past few years I have fallen in love with people and their hearts. I am passionate about learning the lives of others and listening to what they have to say. We all have a story to tell and God is the author of every story.
He has placed in my heart, a desire to mission around the world and share His love with others for the next year and for that I am overjoyed. Two months ago I wouldn’t have fathomed traveling the world for a year and sharing the Gospel, and now I cannot wait till the day I leave for that journey. It’s amazing how God works and how He puts these opportunities and desires on our hearts. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for this next chapter in my life, but I know it’ll be the absolute greatest experience.
I am beyond thankful for everything I have gone through to get where I am today, because He is worth everything and more.
