What do you call it when you feel like you cant breathe?
When your heart feels like it has been ripped into pieces. When all the pain no longer makes sense
and all you want to do is make it go away.
I call that brokenness. Or the past two months of my World
Race.
Now I know what you are thinking, how could someone who is
getting to travel the world to share the love of Christ possibly be walking in
such pain? Shouldnt this be the
greatest and most fun adventure of my life?
You are right. This is the greatest adventure of my
life. And I have had more fun then
I can even describe with people who have forever changed my life. In the past 5 months, I have seen huts
in Africa, seen the magnificent Victoria Falls, met friends in Riga so dear to
my heart, witnessed Latvian karaoke, been a lumberjack in the forests of
Estonia, seen grown men covered in prison tattoos praying for each other, and
watched the sunset over the Baltic Sea multiple times. Ive fallen in love with people,
cultures, buildings, and countries. Ive seen more of this world then most people see in their entire lives.
But that doesnt mean that the whole World Race is just fun
and games. No one ever tells you
how the Race doesnt just allow you to see the world, but it also shows you so
much more of yourself. The good.
The bad. And the ugly. Living in
close community for months at a time brings it all to the surface. Those pains from your past that you
never really healed from, well the Father is going to bring them up. Those dark places in your heart that
cause bitterness or anger, He is going to reveal them. He is going to use the people living
with you to show you where you are sinning. Everything comes to the surface. And I mean literally everything.
Its not easy to deal with. You feel alone. You feel like there is no way that you
will be able to overcome all that you now see in yourself. It just all seems to
keep piling up and causing an enormous weight on your shoulders. And that is where I have been
walking for the past two months. Being overwhelmed by the damage that makes up my heart and trying to
figure out what to do with it.
Feeling like Im walking alone in my brokenness.
And that has been my problem. I keep thinking that I am walking alone. But that is a lie. The enemy sees how close I am to
wholeness in Christ. He sees my
desire to seek the Father and wants to put a stop to it. The enemy is scared of what I will be
able to do in this world once my heart is completely healed and cleansed by the
Father, and he is doing everything he can to stop me.
And if I am going to be honest, he has been winning. My circumstances have been overwhelming
me. Ive been shutting my heart
down. Ive been letting him
win. But that ends today.
I will fight harder to not believe the lies. I will cling to the truths of the
Father. He is my protector. He is my comforter. He is my strength
when I am weak. I am never alone
because He is always with me.
So Im asking you, my friends and supporters, to be praying
for me. To pray against the lies
and that the Father will continue to work in my heart. Please pray that month 6 will be a
month of healing and feeling overwhelmed by the love of the Father instead of being
overwhelmed by the brokenness.
I believe that healing and wholeness is coming. And for
that, I am excited.
