I just want to take a minute to brag about God and how he loves to put the icing on the cake of our lives. He doesn’t just give us what we need; He gives us overflow. Today, alone, I have experienced four special provisions from the Lord. Some of them were big, and others were small, but they all caught my attention and spoke love to my heart.
First, He got me a stamp of approval from the airport doctor in Ho Chi Minh. I got pink eye two days ago, and noticing the redness of my eyes, an airport attendant sent me to get checked by the doctor. If I had gotten pink eye just one day later, I would’ve been stuck in Ho Chi Minh while the squad moved on to South Africa.
The second blessing seems small, but it still spoke to my heart. One of my squadmates, who is trying to eat healthy, gave me her package of oreos. Now, any of my teammates can tell you that oreos have been my caloric food of choice, and furthermore, I will spend the next 72 hours holed up in a hotel or on a bus with unknown food availability, so that oreo stash is a goldmine.
And why will I be holed up in a hotel for the next 72 hours? Because Johannesburg is extremely unsafe. We are here just long enough to get our India visas and then we are out of here. Enter blessings three and four. We had heard horrible reports of people’s luggage getting stolen from them at the Johannesburg airport, so we landed prepared for the worst, but instead encountered the best. The airport was extremely quiet with hardly anyone in sight to worry about. Similarly, I had visions of being holed up in a hotel somewhere in dirty downtown Johannesburg. Instead, we are staying in a beautiful villa that looks like it is straight out of Southern California with patios, a pool, and the most amazing crisp Autumn weather. We are living in paradise.
Oh yeah, we also stopped in Qatar on our way to South Africa, and if you know me, you know that I’m crazy about the Middle East, so that was awesome! And then there was the flavorful chicken pizza and warm brownie I ate on the plane. . . Man, God was really showing off today!
And then there was the night in Cambodia walking along the beach under the stars, watching fireworks go off. Or watching my friend get baptized. Or just having a really fulfilling day filled with good ministry and good conversations.
My biggest doubt over the past three years has been the goodness of God. I knew that’s what the Bible said, and I believe that the Bible is 100% true, but my heart was completely unwilling to agree that God is good. After all, He had abandoned me for almost two years. And why? And if He is good, why is life so full of suffering and pain for the vast majority of the people living in this world?
I’m starting to get answers, and I’m starting to understand, but I’m still not fully healed in this area. I’m still mad at God for abandoning me. I’m cautious and guarded around Him, not sure if I can fully trust Him.
Have you ever been part of an unbalanced friendship or relationship, where you were more into the other person than they were into you? Or have you ever been the victim of unrequited love? I certainly have. I had feelings for a guy for six years that were never returned. And the man I most wanted to marry in the entire world got married to someone else.
God knows what unrequited love feels like. He gets it every day—from me and every other being on this planet. Because even those of us who do know and love Him don’t love Him completely—at least, I don’t. And He knows what an unbalanced relationship looks like—I’m literally laughing thinking how unbalanced our relationship is. He pays for all the dates. He loves me unwaveringly, even when I don’t love Him. When I pound my fists against His chest in anger at Him, He holds me gently, His eyes shining with love and compassion, waiting to comfort me when the pounding turns into sobbing. He forgives me every time I wound Him and opens up in complete vulnerability, knowing full well that I will wound Him again and again. And He pours out a steady stream of blessing on me, even though He knows that most of the time I won’t acknowledge or thank Him, and I might even make idols of those gifts.
This blog could get really long because I have so much to say, but I guess these are my main messages:
1. God is extravagant toward us.
2. Look for God’s hand in the small blessings as well as the big ones.
With joy,
Katie
