Hey everyone,
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I am still processing a lot of things, but I will share what I can now.
Cambodia finished really well. We were able to really build relationships with our students. Our last weekend in town, we went to the beach with them, learned how to cook Khmer food, taught them how to make chocolate peanut butter cookies, and rode bicycles all over town with them. I really wish we could’ve stayed longer to keep ministering to our students, but I just trust that the Lord placed me in their lives for a season, and He has people in mind to continue ministering to them now that I’ve gone.
This morning, we are leaving for Vietnam for the month. Vietnam is not a Christian-friendly country, so you might not hear from me until the month is over. My team is slated to volunteer at an orphanage in the south of Vietnam for the month. Please pray that our lives will testify to Love, despite the government’s attempts to silence us. And pray that we will have wisdom, so that we will not bring persecution down on the heads of the people we meet and serve this month.
And lastly, for your viewing pleasure, I am including the testimony I shared with the youth at our school this month. It encouraged and strengthened my own faith as I wrote and shared it, and I hope it encourages you as well.
Much Love,
Katie
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Let me tell you a testimony about the two hardest years of my life. When I was a Junior in college, life was great. I had good friends. I was busy with school and work and many good things. I had a wonderful boyfriend. And I had a plan for my future. Then everything fell apart. I worked myself to exhaustion. I lost my boyfriend. I didn’t know what my plans for the future were anymore. I became depressed. It was too tiring to talk to anybody, so I shut myself out from all my friends. I was too exhausted to do anything, so I laid on my couch for hours watching tv. I was miserable.
At the same time, my relationship with God fell apart. I would read my Bible, but it didn’t speak to me like it used to. I would try to pray, but it felt like my prayers were going nowhere. I became angry with God for abandoning me. I stopped going to Bible study. I stopped going to church. I started to doubt if God really existed. Or if He existed He wasn’t a good God.
For a year I tried to stay close to God. For a year I tried to pray and read the Bible and go to Bible study. But after a year of trying and failing, I finally gave up. I said, “God, if you want me, you’re going to have to come get me, because I’ve been trying and I just can’t get to you.”
So I stopped trying to find God and just tried to survive, tried to find happiness. Any time I was alone, I was overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness. If ever I was alone for a second, I would reach for a video game or my music or call a friend to see if they wanted to hang out. I dreaded going to bed every night because that’s when the loneliness was the worst. I started taking sleeping pills because I couldn’t sleep.
But God hadn’t abandoned me. He was using that time to grow me. He was teaching me valuable life lessons. And eventually, He decided to re-connect with me. First, He sent His son Brandon into my life. At the time, none of my friends really talked about God, but Brandon did. He told me story after story after story of the amazing things he had seen God do, and that God had even done through him. He told me of people with sicknesses and injuries being healed. He told me of people who broke down sobbing because God healed them in the deep hurts of their souls. It seems like all he could ever talk about was Jesus—I almost got sick of it and thought he was crazy sometimes!
But at the same time, I knew that he was way happier than I was. I knew that I wanted to love God as much as he did and to see God do amazing things, too. So I decided to attend a week-long camp at the Christian school he attended. I was desperate for God to show up. I wanted to believe that He existed and that He is good, even though the evidence seemed to say He was not.
And He did show up. Every single day. He spoke to me while I prayed, He spoke to me through songs, He spoke to me through the mouths of other Christians, and He showed up whenever I did ministry or served. I will share with you the most powerful story, although there are many. Coming into that week, I didn’t know if I was saved anymore. I didn’t know if maybe I would go to Hell when I died because of my doubts and because I wasn’t pursuing God anymore. But then God spoke. He told me that He was satisfied with me. I fell to the ground weeping. I was the farthest from God I had ever been and the most unspiritual I had ever been, but God was still satisfied with me. He told me I was good enough. I finally realized that I never ever have to earn God’s love because I already have His love forever and ever. He loves me not for the things I do, but for me. He loves me even if I don’t read my Bible or pray or go to church or evangelize. He loves me even when I’m a mess. He loves me even when I’m an awful human being. He loves me even when I’m at my worst.
And if that wasn’t good enough, God also told me that everything was going to be ok. Until He told me that, I wasn’t sure. I felt like an airplane nosediving towards the ground, and I thought I might crash and burn and be destroyed forever. I had no reason to believe that my life would ever get better. But then God promised me that it would. He promised me that better times were ahead—and it was true!
Do you know that all happened only 5 months ago? 5 months ago, I was overwhelmed by loneliness if I was alone for even a second. 5 months ago, I wasn’t sure if God was real. 5 months ago, I was barely surviving.
So much has changed! I actually choose to spend a lot of time alone now because I am praying and reading my Bible and listening to God. I enjoy my time alone—I no longer feel that overwhelming loneliness because I am not alone—God is there. I am no longer just surviving—I am enjoying life.
Not to say that everything is sunshine and roses now. There are still times when I have doubts. There are still things that I need to figure out with God. And I am still a human, so I am selfish and greedy and not as nice as I want to be. But life is a million times better with God than it was without God.
And for the times that I struggle, I have brothers and sisters in Christ who encourage me and help me. I hope that you all have the same. I hope that you all have God, because life without Him sucks. And I hope that you have friends who love Jesus too, and that you encourage and help each other through the hard times. If you do not know God yet, or if you have struggles, everyone here at YDC is here for you.
Before I finish, I want to read one Bible verse for you. It’s Jeremiah 29:11
