Our first couple days in India our squad stayed in a convent/hostel/guest house (Side note: Nuns are scary in every country). There we had a LDW (or Leadership Development Weekend), which is basically a mini-debrief, a time to rest for a few days, get acclimated to the new culture and have life spoken into you. We had a lot of time to catch up with squad mates we hadn’t seen in a month, use English toilets, play games and just relax.
At one point after some games, there was some music playing. One of my squad mates jokingly asked me to dance. I said no multiple times and he continued to ask. Not a big deal right? Well, if you know anything about me you know that I reallyyyy don’t like to dance. Choreography? Fine. But dancing in a social setting it’s definitely not my favorite pastime. While this isn’t anything earth shattering, it made me realize something about my relationship with God.
He’s standing in front of me saying, “Come dance” and I resolutely say “no”. What’s stopping me, the fear that I won’t be good enough? My inadequacy? I’m scared that I won’t have fun or that I’ll look dumb. I realize now that it has a lot to do with your dance partner. My friend is a good enough dancer that he can lead. When I’m all caught up in my deficiencies, I try to lead and to make it better. When I try to fix it on my own, I actually make it worse. If I allow him to lead, sure my missteps could cause us to stumble a bit but it’s all still part of the dance.
If I said yes maybe I wouldn’t have fun, maybe it would be embarrassing (or maybe it would be wonderful) but ultimately life is not lived in the maybe or in the what if. When God calls me to dance, I simply need to take his hand and trust that he knows the steps better than I.
