Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12
Sometimes, I don’t hear God. I pray and I feel like He’s just not hearing me and I panic. See, I am a big fan and believer in the power of prayer. It’s how we are able to communicate with God and it’s how, sometimes, He communicates with us. For me there’s nothing worse than fumbling and stuttering through a prayer. Sometimes I get lost, my tongue gets twisted, and I get stuck on the words. Five minutes pass by and I still can’t get past “Wonderful Father, thank You for this day.” I get tongue tied and it’s like my inner voice has developed a severe stutter. It’s discouraging and frustrating and sometimes I just give up altogether and resolve myself to try again later.
But regardless of my inability to hear Him, I know God always hears me. I’d like to think that when I open my mouth and no sound comes out that it’s then that He hears me even louder. God knows how to work through our shortcomings. He knows how to turn something that’s holding us back in to a platform to show His glory.
I would be lying if I said I haven’t struggled lately. Stress from work, stress from support raising, and stress from not being able to put two words together have really allowed the devil to wreak some havoc in my life. Old wounds got blasted opened and I found myself really confused and angry. Everywhere I turned there seemed to be some reminder of things I have pushed down for way too long to remember.
It took me a little while but I realized something huge. God doesn’t want us to push the hard stuff down, He wants us to face it head on and come out the other side stronger. After a lot of prayer I decided to do just that. This past week I have been on a mission trip with the youth group I’ve been working with all summer. As I prepared my devotion for worship one of the evenings, I knew God wanted me to use this hurt as my talking point. I didn’t hear Him but I didn’t need to because others did, others who knew nothing about what was going on inside of me.
The important part isn’t that I addressed something difficult. It isn’t about looking strong. It’s about allowing God to use the broken and shattered parts of us to minister to other broken and shattered people. As I sat in worship last night and watched 60+ people who have become my family fellowship together, I didn’t hear God. I didn’t need to. I saw God. I saw Him in siblings mending broken relationships. I saw Him in a young man vowing to turn his life around. I saw Him in students weeping with joy and sorrow and every emotion in between. I saw and felt Him move through each and every person out there in that pavilion.
I can’t say it enough and I know it’s cliche but God is so good. When you can’t hear Him, God is good. When you can’t see Him, God is good. When you can’t feel Him, God is still so good. I’m thankful for the times that I’m pushed out from the norm because it’s in those times that He shows out the most. I pray that as I (and each of my squad members) go in to this season of uncertainty, that allowing the silence to take over isn’t an option. I pray that we all become His jars of clay and become vulnerable to all that is intentional ministry. I pray that we grow in the dark times to become even brighter lights for Christ.
“Here’s my heart, Lord. Speak what is true.”
Love always,
Katie
