I’ve sat down to write this blog about five times now and have fought so hard to put words to the page. Some ideas were cheerful and uplifting. Others a little bit more angry and condemning. Not because I don’t love the people I’m around, because I do. But being home has been a roller coaster. We, as Racers, were warned. But I don’t think I truly took those warnings to heart until I came home.
America has been a struggle. Actually, a struggle would be a vast understatement. America has been the definition of the hot mess express. There have been days where I’ve loved being home, but mostly I’ve felt incredibly shattered. My heart doesn’t call this one place “home” anymore, it calls a lot of places home. And my heart misses those people I found home with.
On top of that, my heart deeply and painfully misses ministry. I miss walking around dusty villages. I miss digging holes in over 100 degree heat. I miss holding hands with children as I walk home from school. I miss bone-searing intimacy with the Lord.
America is loud and at times it feels hard to hear the Lord. Do I kneel or do I stand? Do I support a wall or do I support bridges? Do I care who uses what bathroom or do I put my foot down? What about healthcare? And ISIS? And North Korea?
Everywhere you turn someone has something to say about something. And then someone else has something to say about what the first person said. It never ends!
But what about the 41 million Americans who go to bed hungry every night? What about the 805 million people around the world?
How about the over 4 million Syrians fleeing their home because if they stay, they’ll be slaughtered in a war they never even asked to be in?
Don’t forget the between 20 to 30 million people who are bought and sold as slaves in the $150 billion sex industry.
Noise. Numbers and noise.
Today at church, the head of our children’s ministry told a story that spoke out above the noise. The woman she talked about said this:
You are never too young or too old to serve the Lord.
And that small phrase struck a cord in me. Not only are we never too young or too old, but we are also never too rich or too poor. We’re never too busy or too tired. We’re never too sad or too lonely. We’re never too broken or too hurt or too lost. We are always, and I mean ALWAYS, in the perfect position to serve the Lord.
He is able to shine through our brokenness, through our shortcomings, and through our inabilities. If we’re constantly waiting until we reach a certain point to begin serving, we will never actually begin doing the work God has set aside for us.
So I’ve decided that it’s time to stop feeling so sorry for myself.
Yes, being home sucks. I miss community and I miss ministry and I miss my old life.
But God has called me in to a new season, a noisy, messy, frustrating season. And I have every intention of following Him with the same obedience that I had when I left for the Race a year ago.
A lot of people have asked me the question: what’s next?
Well, here’s the short summary. I want to go to seminary. I want to start a nonprofit. I want to serve abroad. And in the meantime while I wait for those things to fall in to place, I will be working at Converse as an Admissions Counselor. I’m going to start volunteering with an organization where I’ll get to mentor a child in foster care and with an antitrafficking organization to help put an end to modern day slavery. I’m also trying to get as involved in the church as possible.
And for those who have asked, I will continue blogging, just on a different platform. I’m not sure when I’ll start, but y’all will be the first to know. I can’t thank each of you enough for following my journey, providing financially, and partnering in prayer. There’s no way the last year of my life ever would’ve happened without all of you.
Life. It’s messy. It’s loud. And it’s exhausting.
But y’all, it is so good to be living it with the Lord. So go out and serve. There’s really no excuse.
All the love from South Carolina,
Katie Mere
