So you read part 1 and you’re wondering what’s coming next because it sounds like I’ve got every reason to bail on this trip. Yeah, it felt like that to me too. And I seriously did think about bailing. (Honesty!) But I’m not going to. I’m still going on the World Race. Not because I’m just that excited about the opportunity to see the world, or because I care so much for the overseas ministries and the people they serve, or even because I feel like if I don’t go I’ll be disobeying God or missing out on something great He has for me. Those thoughts enter my mind but it’s not enough to make me go because I can seek those things elsewhere. Here at home I pray for loved ones and volunteer in ministries and make my living teaching young children about Jesus. Sometimes I even buy food for homeless people or pray with strangers or pick up hitch hikers in hopes of sharing the love of God with them. There are definitely ways to serve God and forsake comfort in order to love Him better and glorify Him more here in good old civilized New Hampshire.
However I’m still going to go.
I’m still going because I prayed about it for months and I asked God to open a door, and He did. And it scared me but I committed to going. Back then it was because of the ministry and the travel and the community and the ways God would grow me and the adventure of it all. When out of my comfort zone those things aren’t really as appealing. But I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to bail on stuff when it gets hard. I want to remember the facts and put my feelings in their place. God is making a way, so I want to ride this thing out and see what He has in mind.
Near the end of the week the Holy Spirit brought to my mind the account of Peter walking on water. Peter calls out to Jesus and asks Him to call him out of the boat. And that was me. Crying out to God and asking for Him to call me out into something grand. And so for those of you who know the passage, Peter begins walking on the water towards Jesus but then takes his eyes of off the Lord and puts them on the waves. And in that moment he starts to sink. Fortunately Jesus is there to grab onto him and save him, but Peter gets called out for doubting. None of the other disciples had to go through that! God didn’t love them any less because they stayed in the boat. They weren’t “the bad disciples.” Okay. But still… who do I want to be? If the choice is mine, what story do I want to live? Even though I wasn’t feeling it at the moment, I knew that the real me wanted to be Peter. At camp I wanted to be comfortable and I felt far from God because I was afraid of what He was going to ask me to do. But I still knew that I loved Him so much and deep down I trusted Him to not hurt me and I wanted to be used by Him because I don’t have anything to give Him in return for all the good He has given me, so I want to bring Him glory if that’s all I can do. And I can remember times of feeling brave and empowered and excited at the privilege of being called onto the water.
Thank you so much to all of you who have been helping me process all this, and thank you to those who are praying. Please don’t stop! I believe that some of what I experienced at training camp was just war with my own flesh, but I also believe that there was spiritual attack taking place so I very much appreciate continued prayer. And thank you to everyone who has given financially. I still need to raise about $2,500 to launch with my squad in July. So I still need some of my “in the boat” friends to help push me out there onto the waves! Please check out my post on fundraising and consider partnering with me.
