Update!
As most of you are aware, I recently returned to Virginia after spending a year of my life in the high desert of Oregon. As I have begun to process this past year of my life I have come to realize that I do not think that I will ever be able to truly comprehend or even express how much this past year has meant to me. It has been 5 months since I left the beautiful state of Oregon and the Lord still reveals new things for me to process everyday.
I wasn’t sure of a lot when I left Oregon, but I was sure there were three things I did NOT want to do:
- Come back to Virginia
- Become a Youth Pastor
- Become a Coach
It isn’t that these things are inherently bad — in fact, they are wonderful! But to me, they felt like the “expected” things to do. If you know me, you know that I have strong reservations about doing the “expected” because I feel as if I have been doing what is expected of me my entire life. Moving to the west coast and exploring the idea of full-time ministry was so counter to the norm and off of everyone’s (including mine for a long time!) radar that I believe that was a big draw for me in the beginning. However, once I arrived in Oregon and began doing life there, I realized that I was really just running away — from mistakes, fears, regrets, and much more. The Lord knew I needed a safe space where I could begin to unpack the last 22 years of my life. He gently led me to a place where I could heal and truly realize that he is my savior and wants every essence of who I am. Every thought, care, fear, and dream. They all belonged to him and I was not offering them to him. Living at Washington Family Ranch, I spent every day pouring my whole self into the Lord’s plan and purpose for me. That manifested itself in sacrificially living for others and serving the way Jesus does. It meant living in a close community where I could not hide anything. It meant waking up every morning and asking the Lord into my day because I knew I could not do it alone.
At first, being back in Virginia was extremely hard. It seems dramatic/drastic to say this…but I felt as if I was going through withdrawals of the ranch. The ranch is incredible and beautiful — but it was definitely the people that I missed above all else. My family was made up of 12 other people (13…there have been some wedding celebrations since we left!) and the surrounding community. I was safe there. People knew me and I knew them. That was the place the Lord led me so that I could unload my baggage and these were the people who were there alongside me every step of the way. I was safe. I was comfortable. I was home. And because of that I knew that it was time to come back. Jesus does not call us to a life that is always easy or comfortable. It is in the places where we are the most uncomfortable and that the Lord meets us. These places are where we have to rely on his strength fully, so that we can ultimately discover a deeper intimacy with him.
I am now back in Virginia. I work at a local church as a youth intern, coach lacrosse at my alma mater — and I love it more than I could ever imagine. The very three things I swore I would “never do”…the Lord has led me straight to them and has given me abounding joy and enjoyment in them. God is so good and faithful and knows my heart even better than I do myself. As I look to the future I am excited for the new adventures to come. I look forward to them knowing that: “We have to live in the present moment, because we can do nothing about the past, and God is doing everything about the future” (George MacDonald). The Lord is fully aware of all of our futures and only asks that we trust him moving forward.
Isaiah 30:21,
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