Swaziland was a hard month emotionally for me which only continued into our month four debrief and then into month five in Mozambique. I had dealt with re-rooting my identity in God, but then debrief brought some even deeper lies to the surface. Lies that I am alone, that I am not enough, and ultimately that I am not loved.
I went on self-destruct mode because of these lies. When team changes were announced (which I thought I was totally prepared for), I wanted nothing more then to just go home. To run to all my comforts and to not face the hard adjustment that was ahead.
But then after a week of being in Mozambique I realized that this pity was not going to do me any good. I have a new team that is very different then what I thought I needed BUT God choose them for me and me for them. He has a purpose.
I also realized that even though I felt broken that it did not mean I had to feel defeated.
I decided to choose in.
God kept telling me to be intentional with those around me. I didn’t understand how this would heal anything, but God knew exactly what I needed. I trusted Him, and started to be more intentional with my new team as well as the other team we were paired with.
I may be a broken vessel, but those are God’s favorite to use. He has huge plans for my life that I cannot even begin to comprehend. I can only allow him to continue to fill me so that I can pour out His love. This then turns my brokenness into something beautiful; something that allows me to relate and to empathize. A place where I can pour out encouraging words from our Father into other people’s lives in order to build them up.
Mozambique was a month full of growth. I learned what it means to be bold, and not only with the people around me. I learned to pray bold prayers and to speak out the words God gives me. I have never felt more like the person God created me to be then I did this month. The deep roots that once filled my life with darkness have now become the roots of a beautiful blossoming flower.
