A couple days ago we went to minister in the slums. In the middle of the walkway was a little girl (probably only 3-4 years old). She had a small t-shirt on but was literally butt naked. She was standing in the pouring rain, covered in mud. And she was crying. I went over to her and tried to pick her up. My heart broke as I looked into her eyes and saw her simple pain: she was cold, wet, covered in mud, and her mom was nowhere to be seen. However, instead of being able to scoop her into my arms and warm her up/ love on her, she pulled away and cried even harder. When I touched her arm to try to just give her a hug and pray over her she shrieked and plopped down in the mud. I gently helped her up but then she ran off. So I didn’t pursue comforting her any longer. I was only making it worse.
I’m sure I could give you a nice analogy about how this compares to how we are with God. Something about not understanding His love or not accepting Him out of fear or whatever. But really I just want to share how this situation sucks. There’s so much to say…
First of all, there’s the little girl. Where’s her mom? Out begging or swindling in the streets (most likely biased on what we were told). How is she supposed to keep warm? She’s not. Who will clean her up, wash her off, and love on her? Whatever adult is around that cares enough to do so. I had the blessing of being able to go home after we were done in the slums. I was there for only an hour or two and was totally soaked by the time I got home. And I was able to get some hot tea and soup, change into clean, dry clothes, and snuggle in blankets for a couple of hours. That little girl didn’t have my options.
Secondly, there’s my selfish heart. I love kids (most of you know this). I absolutely adore them. I feel like a big part of my calling in life is to be a mom to those whose aren’t physically, spiritually, etc. present. But since coming to Asia I haven’t been able to hold any babies/ little kids. Once they’re 6ish and can talk we’re fine. But everyone younger cries when I try to hold them, pulls away when I touch them, etc. It’s slowly killing me. I would understand if it was simply that I’m a scary white girl and they don’t know what to do with me (which may be part of it). But there are people who have been very successful at this. There’s just something about me they don’t want anything to do with.
So I’m working on not being upset and hurt by that.
I’m unpacking a lot about self-worth, rejection vs acceptance, and such so it’s almost amusing that me and kids aren’t doing our usual jiving thing. I will survive loving them from a distance and smiling at them (constantly trying to make eye contact) from across the room. It’ll do for now. But someday I will be able to hold cute Asian babies and we’ll cuddle and it’ll be awesome! I have hope! 😉
Also, just so you know, there’s cool ministry going on too. I’ve just not been able to write it down without it just sounding like information. So you’ll get to hear about cool things soon. 🙂 I guess I had to get this off my chest first.
PS: Tomorrow we’re planning on hiking up a legit mountain (7,000km), pray up it, do ministry along the way, worship at the top, and spend the night. So prayers for this cool but crazy venture would be great. I did get practice twice up “hills” (they’re mountains to us though). Last Monday we accidentally prayed up the first one (I’ll explain more later) and last Friday we prayed up and around another one. (and it’s temple- also another story. There’s so much going on all the time, it’s difficult to blog it as it happens.)
So I’m hopeful. All the same prayers would be much appreciated. Most of the squad, including me, has nasty colds and are recuperating as best we can considering it’s rainy and cold (and all my clothes are still wet on the roof after 3 days of “drying”- I’m wearing my last clean shirt. Ah, the Race!) So prayers for physical/ spiritual health, good weather, dry (and not mildewy) clothes, the physical aptitude to accomplish this task, and openness/ receptiveness among-st those we minister to. Also prayers for kids of all ages to love me again would be great. It would help my soul be happier.
Thank you for all your prayers! You all are awesome 🙂
Love ya’s,
Katie
