This year I realized that New Year’s holds more traditions in my heart than any other holiday.
Of course there’s the childhood traditions like toasting with sparkling grape juice and eating cold, unseasoned black eyed peas as your first food of the year. (I get that it only goes up from there but it still seems cruel to my little me’s tastebuds.)
But as each year has passed and I’ve insisted I wasn’t expecting anything specific, I’ve built a list of things I enjoy and count on to “properly” ring in the new year:
1. I always fast something starting January 1st. When I was younger it was for a week or a month. The past few years I’ve picked something to fast for the entire year. There are different motivations behind this practice but every last week of December I find myself contemplating what I’m going to fast this coming year.
2. I love to enter the new year with some sort of climactic action. There’s something about it that creates a defining moment: before was last year, after was this year. It brings some sort of closure and opens up new possibilities for a new beginning. Some activities have included banging pots and pans together, throwing beans out the front door into the front yard (thank you Japanese folklore for that one), sending off a paper lantern, and swimming into the new year.
3. The first dream of the year is significant, typically prophetic and sets a tone for the year in some key capacity of life.
4. I make a list of things I’m praying will happen this year. This list is usually a page or 2 long with multiple categories ranging from personal, fun things like places that I hope to travel to more spiritual matters incorporating other people, organizations and nations.
5. I commit to some big change. It might not be the first day of the year but there’s something about a new year that casts vision and gives me a kick in the pants to move in a new or more precise direction.
There are other little things I might be used to, but those are the big 5 that I never realized have become an integratabtle part of my New Years celebration. I never realized that is until none of them happened.
For real though, this year had a pretty dull start in a lot of ways. (Other than being with awesome people I love. Not dismissing that part!) For starters, I decided on a fast that turned out to be a little more complicated than I anticipated. Some aspects I’m super certain and committed to. Other aspects I’m still confused if I’m doing them or not… I don’t remember dreaming at all the first couple nights of the year. And I have a vague idea of what I want to see in 2016 but haven’t quite pegged it down into actual words and thoughts yet (which is unusual for me- I have all the words!)
I’ve come to see that the past few weeks are covered in a fog of confusion and discouragement.
2015 was an spectacular, ground breaking, life altering year. But when I look at 2015 I also know that there were a lot of things I had hoped for that didn’t happen. And I am in a VERY different season right now than I was this time last year. I’m still growing in a lot of similar areas and processing a lot of the same things. But the context, environment, and my perspective have drastically changed.
And when I’m really honest with myself,
I miss the Race.
I want to do it again. I wouldn’t take back my Race or the choices I made or any of it. It’s not that I didn’t give it everything I had. I just want more.
And I knew I would feel that way. From month 3 in Thailand I knew in the center of my gut that I would want to do this crazy adventure again. When I heard more about Squad Leading I knew I wanted to do it. When I experienced first hand how impactful and God sent squad leaders can be for a person’s journey, I wanted to do it even more. And by month 3 I had this uncanny feeling I would be really good at it, like it was one of those things I was MEANT to do in life. I was somehow designed for it.
What I’m getting at here is that by the end of 2016 I am going again. I have committed (just now really) in my heart that I will leave in August or October of THIS year to squad lead a crazy, amazing, beautiful bunch of people on the best, hardest, most rewarding adventure we’ve said “yes” to so far in our lives.
Im not going to glamorize it for you. I’ve been praying about it in earnest with consistent flip flopping between sureness, convicted excitement and putting it off out of fear. Right now I still don’t have a job (which is really hard and trying for lots of reasons). My brain keeps reminding me of things that cost time, money, commitment, etc in the immediate future. And I don’t have 3 years to save up for some mysterious, unknown purpose like God had me do to meet the first deadline of my first Race. I haven’t even applied to squad lead yet for Pete’s sake! Let alone get accepted (Which is usually when I choose to clue people in on decisions, somewhere between applying and acceptance.)
This year doesn’t look the same as any other year before it or any year after. And this time on the World Race is going to look different. God is going to challenge me in new ways and is going to teach me foundational lessons in new contexts.
And that’s ok. I’m learning that’s how it’s supposed to be, different.
(Although I hope to keep my big 5 traditions in the coming years. They’re quite fun~)
Last night I felt God telling me, “Do not fear asking me questions but trust [me enough to ask], for I have already placed the answers within you.”
There’s a lot to unpack in that statement. But for now I’ll just say that this thought prompted me down a rabbit hole bringing me to one of those perfect, miraculous moments of clarity, purpose and truth.
Right now as I lay on the couch in my sleeping bag, having worshiped, processed and sat with God all night instead of sleeping, I actually feel the way I did many key nights of my Race.
It’s a special moment I wish I could bottle or put in a jar so I could have something tangible to look at in those moments of mess, chaos, and confusion.
Thus why I have all the words this morning. (Trust me, this isn’t half as long as it could be. Im not even trying to break my record for longest blog. :p) But to the point:
There’s a lot going on right now. (Isn’t there always?) And I have a bit of catching up to do in the putting words to things department. But I want you to know where I’m at in the process today because I know it’s a pivotal moment. I want you to be a part of it because things are about to shift and I need your help.
Your prayers and support are super important!
I can’t tell you how much it has strengthened me to hear from some of you since coming home. There have been multiple times when your prayers have literally and tangible protected me in uncertain or scary circumstances. It’s real.
Now more than ever I am learning how I can’t do this thing on my own. I wasn’t even designed to do this missional life thing with just me and God. We have all been designed to be in community and help each other.
So right now Im going to ask something of you. Im asking for you to recommit to my journey. And if you didn’t know me the first time around I’d love for you to join me during this chapter of God’s and my adventures. Whether it’s praying for me every month/week/day or supporting me financially or following this blog for updates, will you commit to sticking with me as I run a new leg of my life’s race? Will you believe in me, and in the God who sends me as I lead a group of God-loving hooligans and we love the socks off everyone we meet?
Will you trust me to follow the call?
I’m committing to give it everything I have, to continually stay in unity with those who are with me (to keep coming back and be open/ vulnerable, even when it’s hard and messy) and to stay connected to the only source that never runs dry (the one and only, glorious King). I promise to fill out the application by midnight tonight, January 13th. And, Lord willing, I will keep you more in the loop from here on out. 😉
So there it is. Don’t know what exactly, but it’s something! I pray that everyone who clicks on the link will read the entire blog. Lol I pray these words and my heart will come through clear and that you’ll FEEL how all over this God is. This is such a cool and special moment. It’s the moment my choice and Gods choice collide and my brain is finally catching up with my spirit.
I pray that you are blessed with abundant favor, energy, and rest today. And I pray that whatever it is you set out to do today that it will be so much FUN.
You’ll be hearing from me again in the next couple of days~
Love ya’ll!
-Katie
